For many years I have struggled with patience or the lack thereof. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t make it through a day without fussing(raising my voice and yelling like a deranged lunatic) at my children. I tried praying, pleading and begging for God to remove this thorn from my flesh. But day after day I would wake up with patience, only to lose it somewhere throughout the day.
What does it mean when we say that we have lost our patience? Have we misplaced it? And if I had lost it somewhere throughout the day, I was never able to find it once it was lost.
I began to realize that in all of my praying I was not surrendering to the will of God. When I would awake in the morning I would think about all the things I needed to do for the day, but never took into consideration what God wanted me to do. I never took into consideration what God wanted me to do with my children as a group or individually. I wanted to be in control. During my prayers, I would plan this awesome day that I was sure would keep the children occupied and off of my nerves. I thought if I could get an inspiration from God before I made my plans that the children would be more cooperative. I believed that they wouldn’t jump on the couches, give me bad attitudes or run around screaming. I was wrong but I was too prideful to receive God’s help.
I remember days when I would call my husband in tears. I would tell him that I had yelled at the children for doing what kids do–playing and making noise. For the past couple of months I have woken up each morning and have come to God with a vow. This has been my vow to God: