Courting v. Dating

I recently turned our Bible Study focus towards the topic of temptation. The reason being is that our oldest child wants to date and feels that she ought to be able to talk with boys on the telephone. We told her that she is to young to date…and the fact of the matter is that once she is allowed to date it will be with adult supervision. If a young man is interested in getting to know her, it will be by him accompanying her to church activities which are supervised by adults…or coming to our home for dinner or movie night. They will spend no time together outside earshot and eyesight of adults.

Children often believe that their parents don’t understand or empathize with what they are going through. Many outside influence undermine the true relationship beteween parents and children. Parents are here to protect, guide, instruct and encourage their children. Each of these aspects should be inspired by love.

I want all of my children to experience the love and companionship that comes from being in a relationship with someone. I also expected her to begin to have this desire between the ages of 12 and 14. So I am not shocked by her determination. But what my role is at this point is to begin to show her how important trust and honesty are to the foundation of any relationship. And where compromise and surrender apply.

We talk often about courting and dating and she has chosen to court rather than date.

Dating- The process in which two individuals spend time alone together hanging out and enjoying various activities. They are not supervised and are aloud to spend time alone with the boyfirend or girlfriend. The input of the families is limited.

Courting- The process in which two individuals spend time together with each others families. The couple spends time with each of the families in the process of getting to know more about their potential spouse and how they themselves fit into the family. This also allows the parents opportunity to form a relationship with and mentor the potential spouse. The parents pray and speak regularly with the young adults and monitor their emotional state. The end result of courting is to marry.

These are the two options given to my children. The choice is ultimately up to them what they choose. I think both routes can be successful but I prefer courting and hope that my children all choose that route.


  1. Anonymous says

    We have had no leaning yet toward the desire to date at our house (two daughters, ages 14 & 15). I know they find some of the boys they know interesting, but have not been “asked out”. I would say no to such a request. If they would like to have someone over to our house, that would be fine with me (supper, games, movie,etc.), as you suggested you might do for your own daughter. Or, if we were going to a sporting event, church function, & so forth, the young man could come along as our guest.

    I find myself more & more lately, thinking of a saying I heard: “Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems”. And it becomes more varied with the passage of time!



  2. Earthmommy says

    My oldest daughter is 18 and has done a bit of dating but we are talking more and more about the option of courting as well. My 15-year-old is not yet allowed to date but is allowed to bring male friends to our home for supervised hanging out. Over at there is a book available called “What To Do While Waiting for Prince Charming” that is excellent!


  3. Sallie says

    My 15 year old daughter absolutely love the book “Before You Meet Prince Charming” by Sarah Malley. It is set as a fairy tale but also gives scripture to back up what it says.

    God bless,

    P.S Mine’s not dating…


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