"Adam made love to his wife Eve"

Genesis 4:1
A friend of mine joked about how it had been a year since her and her husband had been intimate. She bragged about how she places pillow in between the two of them at night and warns him not to touch her. I immediately felt disappointed with her crass attitude toward one of the most intimate experiences that can be shared between a husband and wife. This is my friend who has been married 15 years whom I looked to as a relationship mentor. I prayed that I’d never withhold myself from my husband for such a long period of time and then take pleasure in it. As my friend spoke I could see a hurting woman. I could tell that she was not happy.

Many marriages are struggling in the area of intimacy. There are so many distractions available to take our focus away from it. In order for a marriage to thrive sex has to be factored into the equation. Sex needs to part of your weekly agenda. The same way that we clean the house and go grocery shopping each week we need to also make sure that preparations are made to include a roll in the hay at least once a week.

Sex is on my weekly to do list. I know that on Saturday, Sunday and Monday evenings my husband is home, so I plan to get the kids to bed and the house tidied up early. On these evenings I fix my hair, put on my flattering undergarments (no granny panties) and throw on something a little form fitting (in the house of course). This always sets the tone for the evening. When I do this my husband transforms from the ‘Super Provider Dude’ he’s been all week into ‘Mr. Romance’.

I make this a part of my week because I know that my husband needs physical interaction from me and I need attention from him. We meet one another’s intimacy needs. I need for him to listen to me talk and to hold me some nights without asking me for sex. And he does that for me. In return I know that he feels like a MAN when he can satisfy me in a way that only he can. It makes him walk with his chest a little farther out and his head a little higher. It gives him a pep in his step and a confidence that he can only get from knowing that his wife desires him.

What man would feel good about himself, thinking that his wife doesn’t desire him? Because Ladies, that’s what he thinks when you don’t have sex with him. How can you desire him and be repelled by him at the same time? He may not tell you, but you are hurting him and your marriage by withholding yourself from him. Open up the lines of communication and put on the table whatever it is that is keeping you from desiring intimacy with your husband.

Begin to pray and ask God to bring healing and oneness back into your marriage. Take your heart to God for repair so that you can get past the obstacles that are eating away at your marriage.


  1. Hadias says

    In reference to your first comment Becky…women either don’t understand or don’t care how much they are hurting themselves and their husband when they withold themselves. I know for certain that my husband faces the teptation to cheat everyday, with all these scantly clad women of today, but he chooses to remain faithful to me.

    I make sure that, not just in the area of intimacy but of support and encouragement and submission also, that I am meeting his needs.

    I will never let another women outdo what I do for my husband. Does that mean that he will never cheat? No. But I am not going to give him any excuse because I hold myself accountable to God for meeting my husbands sexual needs.

    As far as the book “His Needs, Her Needs”, no I have never read it. And regarding “Passionate Housewives Desperate for God” I tried to win it during the blogger giveaway but no luck. Anything I read I have to find a way to get it for free or very close to free. My husband thinks that it is a waste of money to buy books. He’s not a big reader type.(I’m okay with that though. I’m not trash talking him just stating the facts.)So hopefully I can find a creative way to get a copy.

    Thanks for commenting. I always love to hear your point of view on things as well as your references to great information.


  2. Becky says

    Oh, I meant to ask if you have read “Passionate Housewives Desperate for God” yet, or if you had planned to?

    I just read it last night and I got so much from it.


  3. Becky says

    I think that might be one of the saddest things I have ever heard! But, I know that not being intimate is a fact of life in many marriages.

    Have you read the book “His Needs, Her Needs?” I just read it recently and it was a wonderful book by a Christian marriage counselor. He said when you get married, your husband agrees to be sexually intimate only with you, and you agree to meet his sexual needs. He said it’s unfair for the wife to not provide that very essential need, when the man has committed to not seeking it elsewhere.

    There is no justification for adultery, but I do feel that by withholding sex, some women drive their husbands to it. 🙁


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