Pure Intimacy & Why It’s Good For Us

Intimacy Is Good For Us

Friend #1: How often do you and your husband have sex?

Friend #2: SEX?….Oh no, we’re married.

Just a few weeks ago a survey was taken which posed this question to a panel of married women, “If given the option to go shopping spree at the mall or have sex which would you choose?” It was reported that 98% of the women chose the shopping spree.

I thought this was funny so I decided to turn the tables. When my husband came in from work I said to him in the most serious tone that I could muster.

“Honey, if you had the choice to go to a Super bowl game or have sex (with me of course) which would you choose?” He said “Are the tickets FREE?” I told him that they were. He grinned, then slightly shrugged his shoulders and said “I’d have to choose the Super bowl. We can have sex anytime. The Super bowl is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

Many husbands and wives are, for whatever reason, denying themselves of a very significant benefit of marriage…SEX. There was a time when I would purposefully withhold myself from my husband.

I am not talking about a hectic week where I am so tired I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I am referring to making a conscience decision not to allow him to touch me.

I would justify my actions by telling myself that I was angry, tired, or frustrated. Some days it would be a headache…others a stomachache or backache.

Regardless of the excuse I didn’t realize that it wasn’t just sex that I was denying myself.

Sex is a natural stress reliever. It provides the same deep, relaxed type of breathing that you achieve during Yoga or Pilates. This breathing relaxes your body, oxygenates your blood and reduces the stress you feel.

Massaging before or during sex can be a great stress reliever as well. We need touch for our emotional health. Studies show that babies who are not touched enough can fail to thrive, and touch continues to be important into adulthood. So if you find that you are unmotivated try incorporating more time for touching before and during sex.

Depending on your level of enthusiasm, you can burn a lot of calories during sex, and receive the weight management benefits of exercise as well. Most of us when we are under stress allow the sex life to fall by the wayside, when in fact it should be one of the first things that we do when plagued with stress.

So instead of denying myself the natural stress reliever that God has given me I am going to begin to incorporate more sex into my marriage this year.

Comments

  1. Kimery says

    Great words…
    I came across this author recently. Sheila Gregoire has some great columns on this topic. I’ve enjoyed her insight.

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  2. ~ Angi :) says

    I was widowed with four children before my now husband came into my life . . .we discussed the marital bed and the importance thereof before we entered into that covenant. Now, six years strong, those coversations laid a strong foundation for the very important detail of our marriage that neither of us wish to allow to be derailed. We make time. As you have eloquently said ~ it is vital to our entire well being!

    Bravo on an excellent read, Hadias

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  3. Hadias says

    Brenda~I read the same book some years ago. My husband was the one that actually told me about Dr.Laura. He would listen to her show while he was working.

    I would recommend this book to any couple who may be experiencing some marital challenges.

    EarthMommy~I think communicating your needs and desires shows signs of a healthy relationship. Communication is key to a healthy sex life and overall marriage.

    Ladies, sometimes we wives act as though our husbands should automatically know what we want and need. That stuff only works on sitcoms where everything is scripted. Tell your husband what you want and need versus what he isn’t doing right.

    Becky~I think that you’ve made a very important statement. We as Christians have a stereotyped as being rigid when it comes to conversations on sex.

    What your parents did is very important. I talk to my daughter about not having sex before marriage but I also tell her that when she is married that sex will be one of the most intimate gift that she can share with her husband.

    Elizabeth~When sex with my husband began to decline, we just wrote it off as what society says happens at a certain age.

    Society says that as you get older sex drive begins to decline. We see all of these Viagra type commercials that have led us to believe that the decline in sex is natural, but I began to wonder…does it have to be?

    I believe that if we create a consistant sex life now my husband and I should still be able to share that same sexual desire well into our golden years.

    Thank you all for commenting.

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  4. Elizabeth says

    Good article, Hadias. A book I’m reading on aging says that this is even more important as you get to mid-life and older. Making time for sex helps things stay in “working order” for both husbands and wives. According to the book, both men and women experience some drop in their sheer biological desire with age. This makes it even easier to let stress and a busy lifestyle push lovemaking out of the way. But, if you make time for each other, the books says your desire for each other will stay strong, instead of waning. Plus, according to the book, if you keep up on your love life throughout your relationship, it will become richer over time. The focus of sex becomes more and more about the relationship, particularly for men.

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  5. Becky says

    I couldn’t agree more!! I was raised in a Christian home and it was stressed from the time I was a late teen that sex in a marriage is of utmost importance. They talked about it in church, and older wives in the congregation sort of discipled the young women that were about to be married. I am so grateful for that, because after nearly 9 years of marriage, and three small children, it was that teaching that kept my marriage happy and healthy. I still struggle sometimes when I am so overstressed or exhausted, but I tell myself that he really needs it, and I need it to. Sometimes I do it just for him and then realize how much fun it is once we get started.

    Great post!

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  6. Anonymous says

    I made the same decision, Hadias, in December of 2004, after reading Dr. Laura’s books, The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands, & Woman Power. I’m ashamed that it took my reading of these books to open my eyes about sex, & the bonding process it really is between couples. I’m not saying that we were never intimate (we have three children, so obviously…), but I never saw it as important as it is to the health & well-being of both women & men. My husband is much happier, relaxed, more productive at work, more open with me, & just more fun to be around. I’m ashamed that I put those physical needs dead LAST on my to-do list, & it’s a miracle we stayed together throughout the lackluster years. Women…listen up!! Do not shoot yourselves in the foot. You are doing your family no favor if you neglect this very important part of marriage. Save some of your energy for him. YOU will reap the rewards of such a decision.

    blessings, Brenda

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  7. Earthmommy says

    I am so glad you wrote about this. Just the other day my hubby and I were talking about our sex life (or rather the lack there of) and other things we thought were missing in our marriage.

    I told him how much I miss little things like when he touches me affectionate, like a hug for no reason or other little touches that seem to fall by the wayside when we get busy or stressed.

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