A Proverbs Wife

Mean Mommy

I received this is my inbox a few weeks ago.

A Letter: To Whom It May Concern | By: Kara Murphy

Dear Mean Mommy,

I am writing, once again, to protest your visit to our house yesterday. I would have thought that my last litany of complaints would have given you pause before you returned, but no. You seem to come and go at will. Well, I have had enough.

First, you never give me any warning that you are coming. If I knew you were coming, I would be able to prepare for you as I do all my other guests. Why must you always arrive when the house is in such disrepair? In general, we do a fair job of keeping things picked up, but without fail, when the house is at its messiest, you show up. Not only that, but you time your arrivals when I feel my worst. Your last visit was after a sleepless night with our newborn. Before that, it was during a stressful time when the bills were late. No one should feel free to visit at tax time, especially when I have put off important record-keeping until the last minute. I suppose you would not think twice of arriving at our door immediately after we have just had back-to-back company. These are not the times to make unannounced appearances at our house!Even if we were aware of when you were coming, I would still not appreciate your attitude. Must you whisper those words to me all day long? You can’t do this. You are failing. Another woman would do a better job than you. What are you doing to your children? It isn’t enough that you pick on me, but must you also be so grumpy toward my children?

All day long, you nag and complain about them. Do this. Do that. Hurry up. Get back to your work. You are a broken record and you need to be replaced! Don’t you realize that children are not finished products, yet? They are adults-in-training, but they’re not there yet. And must you be so impatient with them? Sometimes, you are like a steamroller, plowing through the house. I would hate to get in your way! You are running us all over.But the worst of it is your appearance…you look so much like me, my children may not realize the difference between us. They might actually think that you are me! I have had to apologize repeatedly for your troublesome ways.

This is it. Your reign of terror must stop. Please leave and never return.And should you be tempted to come back, just remember that I am onto your tricks. Your wiles will not fool me any longer. I am going to fight to keep you away. And I know the best way to do that, too.

God’s word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against Him. —Psalm 119:11

First, I have determined in everything, to give thanks seeing that this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning me. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) I will rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4) for I am learning, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11, 13) When those doubts begin to creep in I will be confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in me will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)

If you could just stop blustering and ordering everyone around long enough you might see an eternal perspective. You would realize that there is so much more to life in Christ than the day-in-and-day-out ups and downs. Step back for a moment from the immediate stressors. Why, there isn’t a hair that falls from my head that the Father is unaware of. He cares for birds and flowers in the field. How much more does He care for me and my family? (Matthew 6:25ff)

Not only that, but He is working every circumstance in my life for my good and for the good of my children who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

Since I know that I must be sober, to love my husband, to love my children (Titus 2:4), I will be gentle among my little flock, even as a nursing mother cherishes her children: So being affectionately desirous of them, I will be willing to have imparted unto them, not the gospel of God only, but also my own soul, because they are dear unto me…even when I must labor night and day. (1 Thessalonians 2:7-9a)

And most of all I will remember that charity—an antiquated term for our word love—suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity—or love—never faileth. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

If I have to, I will get really radical. When you show up, I intend to meet you at the door intent on bodily harm. For I see who you really are. You are the old (wo)man that Scripture speaks of so clearly. But I know this, that my old woman is crucified with Christ, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth I should not serve sin. (Romans 6:6) I will likewise reckon myself to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So I will let not sin therefore reign in my mortal body, that I should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield my members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield myself unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and my members as instruments of righteousness unto God. (Romans 6:11-13) Because I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

Prepared to do battle,

A Loving Mama.

My Response:

I am determined to keep this women out of my house. When I first began this battle I sat my oldest children down and told them about her. I taught them to be on the lookout for her. I told them that they needed to assist in guarding our home against her.

Long ago I realized that there is war that rages within me. It is a war against good and evil, joy and depression, peace and chaos. I have chosen God as my ally, and in doing so He gives me the strength each day to thwart the efforts of the mean mother. But she is persistent and crafty. I can never let my guard down. I know now that her goal is to destroy my children and my husband.
She has come to provoke my children to anger and chase my husband to a roof top with her wicked words. But each day I run to the Lord and surrender to him so that he can kill the mean mother that eagerly tries to destroy me.

I have since written “5 Ways To Discipline Your Children Without Losing It“, where I share how I learned to parent without becoming angry.

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14 thoughts on “Mean Mommy

  1. Holly Lapish says:

    I have only begun the resistance. Thank you for posting. We are not alone. Mommies are general creatures with specific characteristics. We all have the same purpose and it is stated in the Word. We must be steadfast on our journey towards fulfilling our purpose and stick together. There is nothing that we have gone, will go, are going through that another mommy has not already battled. My faith only grows stronger when He sends His little messengers to tap me on the shoulder to show me something or explain something to me. Today….you are His messenger to many….to me. I am humbled.


    Holly Lapish Reply:

    @Holly Lapish, I follow your facebook page and was lead to this after clicking many of your links and reading your blogs. Pretty sure this is what I was suppose to find 🙂


    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Holly Lapish,
    I;m so glad you stumbled upon this article. 🙂


  2. HopewellMomSchool says:

    Boy! Did I need this this week!!! Mean Mommy Supreme-o to be sure. Our tree is STILL up, but the outdoor stuff is gone. I just get madder every day. Finally last night the storm broke and got some stuff done. Tonight I’m going to read this to my kids!


  3. Don’t feel alone, if there is a mother out there who isn’t at least occasionally visited by Mean Mommy, then she is probably on very good terms with her good friend Denial Mommy.


  4. Thanks for posting this article! Mean Mommy visits my house too and I have invited her in frequently. I now have a better outlook on things and pray that God changes my ways. I just found your page yesterday, but have had my eyes opened on so much already. Thanks and God Bless!


  5. Btw, I totally slacked off of the book. Didn’t I say I prolly would! SO SORRY!!!


  6. Hadias,

    I understand where you are coming from. I sometimes feel like I am the worst mommy ever, because of my temper. I have had to apologise to my kids before and ask for their help with controlling my temper…They know I am a human too, though, and they are mostly pretty forgiving 🙂 ♥


  7. I was moved to tears by all of your comments. When I first read the article I wondered if any of my reader struggled with ‘Mean Mommy’. I thought “probably not”.

    I didn’t give the article much more thought. I thought to myself I will secretly fight this battle and not share my struggles, but when I saw the article the second time I had to post it.

    Thanks for visiting and for your comments.


  8. ~ Angi :) says:

    Hm. Mean Mommy at our house has a different monniker: Wild Banchie Woman. 🙂

    I suppose that indicates that MM here has kicked up the heat a notch or two??




  9. Shamefully I have to admit that mean mommy takes over this household far to much! Mean mommy is linked to “mommy in pain” and because “mommy in pain” is full of painkillers and antibiotics she cannot control mean mommy. Mean mommy feels she has the right to join in and make everyone that is taking care of “mommy in pain” their lives misserable! I am doing my utmost to send her packing for good but she keeps barging in! My sons and dh seem to ignore her and leave the room when she enters and than I am stuck all by myself with mean mommy and her awful mean mommy negative thoughts! I will elimanate her tho! I know I will eventually!


  10. Oh yes! This post is a blessing for sure. Mean mommy is one nasty mother! 🙂

    I have to fight against her all the time. I am winning the battle more and more, but you are right, she is crafty and I do have to always be on guard. Now, if I can just get God to do some work on dictator daddy……Hmmm. We would love a leader, but dictators are never nice.

    I cannot begin to tell you enough how much this blog blesses my life. I have drawn closer to God and taken more pride in my job as homemaker since I began visiting you.


  11. Earthmommy says:

    I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful it was to read this. You came across it a second time because you were supposed to share it, and I believe I was supposed to read it. So were many others I’m sure.

    Mean Mommy sneaks up on me a lot and she is holding my husband and children hostage before I even realize she is here, but I am prepared to fight her off now too!

    Just today, I needed to get some cleaning done and my little one was unusually whiny and wanted to play. I felt myself getting frustrated and short-tempered, so I decided to take it as a teaching opportunity and explained to her that Mommy is a much happier mommy when her chores are done and that we could have a lot more fun and play for a longer time if she helped me and we did the dishes and vacuumed the floor really quick. So we did, and spent the rest of the day playing grocery store. It was wonderful.

    Thank you for this post.


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