Anonymous has left me the following comment at my post titled”Courting or Dating: Is there a Difference?“:

Hello. I am facing this issue now as my oldest son is requesting more information about our views on courtship. As we express our views, the question now rearing its head is how are we to handle a ‘breaking up’ as one party or the other decides this is not THE one for me? What are your plans for this issue?

The issue of “breaking up” stems from two parties having a verbal or perceived commitment to one another. Breakups are a part of courting but not a necessary part. When Joseph found that Mary was pregnant he was going to “put her away secretly”. This simply supports that people broke up in the Bible. The main reason would have been for infidelity during the courtship period, today people break up for much less than that. The reason for today’s acceptance of breakups stem from societies disdain for commitment. If we teach our children to importance of keeping their vow and not taking the act of making a vow lightly then we have set the stage for an honorable and trustworthy young man or woman.

As children mature you must begin to discuss courtship with them from the standpoint of lust and that of love. Talk openly about it and train them on how to identify the characteristics of each. Arm your young adults with the knowledge necessary to make wise decisions.

Anonymous, there is no easy answer to this question. I say that because we do not fully know the plans of God or what He has in store for our children. My child has wanted to date and we’ve talked often with her about her motives for desiring to begin such an important process. We talked at length with her about the different types of love and the responsibility that comes along with a commitment to a relationship. When she began to see what love truly looked like she decided that she was not ready.

After discussing I Corinthians 13:4-7 and all that love meant she realized that being in a successful relationship meant that she could not be selfish and jealous. She realized that choosing someone in which to share her time with meant that if they did not look at courting as a process which leads to marriage that she could possibly end up heart broken.

Once you’ve shared with your young adult what God’s intended purpose is for man and women is, then you have prepared them to make a sound decision. If they still decide that they are ready to begin courting teach them how to guard their hearts and to have patience, (I Corinthians 13:4 love is patient). If you haven’t already begun, teach them what Godly character looks like by studying the book of Proverbs with them.

In order for any courtship to be successful their must be a common goal. This goal must be shared by both parties involved. Both parties must be in agreement about where they want things to go. Once in agreement both parties must begin to practice the art of love and look for the character of love in the other person.

As parents we must assist our children with finding a future mate. We do this by becoming involved with the person that they are interested in. The same way that we know our children’s friends, we must also know the person that they are interested in. I have set the expectation with my child that they do not have the authority to make a commitment of love without the involvement and blessing of their father and me.

If your child experiences heartbreak encourage them to remain faithful to God and to trust God Him. Encourage them to set their affections on things above rather than things on the earth. Colossians 3:2

Also if they are seeking to date and you know that they are not mature enough to demonstrate physical self control (purity), then encourage them to seek those things which are above Col 3:1 and to delight themselves in the Lord and He will give them the desires of their heart Psalm 37:4.

How did you deal with your teens who’ve experienced a breakup? Please Comment


  1. ~ Angi :) says

    I’ll add this, Hadias:

    Scripture reveals that “HE who finds a wife finds a good thing.” This informs us that it is the man’s job to seek out his future mate. He should be the one initiating the courtship,or the desire to deepen a friendship to a discovery process that seeks to answer, ‘Are you my mate?’

    (At the same time, this does not preclude the woman from making it known that she’s available! LOL!)

    That said, the man begins (or should begin) this journey with the utmost respect to the female gender. That respect should continue through the courting period, revealing that this man is capable of honoring the woman as the more precious vessel.

    If, at some point during that process, it becomes clear to one or the other party that marriage is not the forward motion for them, respect should be the manner in which the disillusion of the relationship.

    Since the writer was specifically asking regarding her son, I suggest that she counsel her son to honor the young woman with respect and dignity even as they part ways. yes, emotions get involed, and feelings can be hurt . . .but when a woman is treated with respect in regard to her value, it will not leave her as ‘damaged merchandise’ for the next courter who comes along.



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