I Don’t Need A Man!
This idea is generally held, so far as regards the condition of woman, by all masculine writers… that all women are made to be married.
They believe, too, that woman’s noblest virtues of conduct are called forth, and her highest excellences of character perfected, in domestic life; in short, that her destiny is marriage, and her place of honor and happiness is her home.
From: Manners: Or, Happy Homes and Good Society All the Year by Sarah Joseph Hale
Why are so many women shouting the mantra “I don’t need a man!”. I listen to them and I hurt for them. I understand that I could have been them. In fact I was raised by the very same kind of women. None of my aunts were married nor did they ever have kind words to say about men.
Has the physical ability to have and bare children alone dismissed the need for a man? Has our access to job opprotunites and higher incomes clouded our judgement so much that we would deny the very thing that God wants for us?
1 Timothy 5:14
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
Women have been spewing out this self loathing phrase for some time now and I would like to take a moment to delve into the root of it all.
Why is it that women adamently procalim that they “don’t need a man”, when the Bible specifically commands her to marry? I believe that the women was decieved in the garden and she is being decieved even today.
Women are being seduced out of the very thing that God created them for. The man and women were created to be together. The marraige union is the physical representation of the relationship between Christ and the Church.
As the husband loves his wife, he demonstrates to her and to his children how Jesus loves His church. The husband through working and providing shows how he gives of himself for his wife. He shows how he puts his family above his own immediate needs in order to care for the needs of the family.
In return when the wife loves her husband as she demonsrates to her children a reverence, adoration and dependence (not independence) upon her husband. She shows obedience as she disciplines herself under the direction of her husband. She helps her husband to become a better man as she becomes the primary provider of emotional support and encouragement for him. Her submission to him demonstrates a faithfullnes to him that will motivate him to do anything for her.
When women stop believing that it’s all about independence and freedom or simply doing their own thing, then they will find a peace that can only come from above. They will be able to see things more clearly when they take thier selves out of the way and put God in front of them.
Women miss the mark by getting hung up on the “Independent Woman” band wagon. It must be taught and reinforcedt they have already been set free in Christ. We do not need to be afraid to surrender to a man a God, for fear of loosing our freedom, because we are already free.
Below I have listed some Biblical truths that dispell some of the worlds lies that women both married and single have been believing.
God wants you to:
*Depend on your husband
*Respect your husband
*Let your husband protect you
*Let your husband provide for you
*Let your husband make the final decision (He has to answer to God in regard to the his family)
*Help your husband by working with him not against him
If the Bible tells us that it is not good that a man be alone then it is equally not good that women should be alone.
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This post has 16 comments
February 18th, 2008
Thank you for having a blog, Hadias!
I am the same way. Marriage has made me happy more times than I could have ever imagined when I was young. It has made me a better person, too. I hope anyway!! 
God said marriage was good for us, like you said! 
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February 18th, 2008
Thank you all for your comments and scripture references. I have really appreciated all of your feedback.
The decision to marry ultimately is worked out between each person and the Lord. For me personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I enjoy being a wife and mother and I have become a better person as a result of it. Through marriage I have been able to do what I love the most which is help my husband and nurture my children.
Thank you again for reading my blog and for visiting.
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February 17th, 2008
Hadias,
I think the New Testament makes it clear that women do not have to marry. Paul tells us:
“27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”
1 Cor 7:28
and
“An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.” 1 Cor 7:34
In other words, if a woman who is a virgin marries she has not sinned, but he wishes her to remain a virgin so that she is concerned with things of the Lord.
In addition, Rev. 14:6 tells us that the throne of God is attended by virgins (male) which would lead one to believe that if that many men were single, then some women would have to be single as well.
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February 16th, 2008
Hadias, I don’t think we are disagreeing too much.
I do not disagree that most women need marriage to live a godly life…And I definitely agree that many women have the wrong attitude toward men and marriage! (That it is not good, like God said it is.)
What I think we disagree on is that finding a husband should be the sole and only thing a girl seeks out for her future, necessarily.
I think a girl should seek to live her life in submission to Christ first. (Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.)
And marriage and family is God’s blessing. Because what about all the women who cannot “be fruitful and multiply”? Are they breaking a command, which = sinning?! Or are they simply not able to enjoy God’s blessing?!
If a girl is blessed with a husband and family, then she has the added responsibility to see that she submits to her husband (only as the church submits to Christ- Ephesians 5:24- not in wrongdoing) and to teach her daughters that they must do the same if they marry a husband. (Titus 2:4)
If you read the verse you quoted in your last post in another version you can see more plainly it is talking about young widows, or ladies that have already been married once, and have lost their husbands. (I think this version is The Message, maybe):
“1 Tim. 5:11-15 Don’t put young widows on this list. No sooner will they get on than they’ll want to get off, obsessed with wanting to get a husband rather than serving Christ in this way. By breaking their word, they’re liable to go from bad to worse, frittering away their days on empty talk, gossip, and trivialities. No, I’d rather the young widows go ahead and get married in the first place, have children, manage their homes, and not give critics any foothold for finding fault. Some of them have already left and gone after Satan.”
I really don’t think we see things much differently, most christians see it your way – That God commanded us to marry and have children. I just see it that He blessed us with the blessing of not being alone, and having a family if we want to. Either way I know that God’s view of marriage is that it is GOOD!
I appreciate this discussion, personally. Because anytime I have to look into God’s word before I post, its always a good thing
Thanks 
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February 15th, 2008
In Gen chapter 2 we are commanded to be fruitful and multiply. It is
not a suggestion but a command.
Genesis 1:22
God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply…
The use of the word and indicates that what follows is in addition to the previous statement. God first blessed them and then gave them a command.
Also it is the will of God that man not remain single.
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
1 Timothy 5:13-15 (King James Version)
Below is what Paul believed was the inspired will of God for women.
13And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
14I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
I pray that you search the scripture and seek clarity from the Lord so that you may live whole according to his will admonishing those around you to seek after the perfect will of God.
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February 15th, 2008
It is God’s blessing that he gave us the opportunity to marry. It is not necessarily his will that we ALL marry. As a matter of fact it is physically impossible at any given time in history because there is not exactly the same amount of men and women in the world….
Some people may never get the opportunity to marry. And some people, when they marry, cannot procreate, or have kids. Just because God blesses some of us with children, it does not mean that we will all have them. We are not commanded to have them, in other words it is not necessarily God’s will that we do.
In the words of His book “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, ‘Be fruitful, and multiply..’”
He gave us his blessing to marry and have babies. He did not command us to marry and have babies. HE knew some people would not be able to have children. Or even marry…
I don’t mean to sound argumentative, but I think this is important to bring to our children’s attention. Lest they take their possible future spouses for granted as someone they have to deal with because God wills it; instead of the BLESSING (and a GOOD thing as he says) it really is from Him to even have a spouse.
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February 15th, 2008
Hadias I needed this post today. My mate and I are in in a rought time (you can read about it at my blog), and I struggle with following God’s commandments on marriage when my husband is clearly not doing the same.
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February 15th, 2008
Scripture tells us that it is undeniably Gods will; from the begining of creation that man and women marry. (See Matthew 19:4-5)
He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one.
Matthew 19:1-12 is discusses Gods original desire(marriage), man’s hardheartedness(divorce) and when it is lawful to remarry.
He then discusses the ones whom are not able to marry. He calls them Eunuchs which are people who have been castrated.
People who are not able to be fruitful and multiply. Those who are not able to be physically intimate to the point of reproducing children in the image of God.
Jesus says that some were Eunuchs from the womb (born with a birth defect that prevent procreation).
Then he refers to those who have been castrated by man and then tothose who have chosen the life of a Eunuch (for example Paul)
Gods will was and is for us to marry and have children. But because of sin all is no longer perfect as it was in the garden of Eden. But on day it will be.
May God Bless you and thank you for visiting.
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February 14th, 2008
I think women who are not married can be just as happy and content with their life if they are living for Christ as anyone who is married.
Look at Paul, he wished people could remain as he was, unmarried and living totally and fully for Christ and him alone.
I am not so sure that God wants us to be married, necessarily. He said it was good. But it is not always possible for everyone. Read Matt 19:10-11.
I do agree with what you say when you say that women do need their men. I am one who was actually pushed by my counselors, etc. to go to college, have a career, blah blah blah.
All I wanted to do was marry a good man and have a family. I remember one counselor in particular saying to me, “You don’t need a husband.” Grrr. She ticked me off. LOL But in looking back, I truly feel sorry for her. Just like you said.
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February 14th, 2008
Last week, during the sermon, it was mentioned that nuns are the ultimate feminists because they find all of their joy and fulfillment in Christ. The point being, they don’t need a man (but they don’t rely on themselves or their career for fulfillment). I wonder what feminists would make of that!
In Denver there is a church jokingly referred to as “The Church of Oprah” because as soon as any new guru/therapist/counselor/guest appears on her show, they have that person in to lead the Sunday service. Very sad.
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February 14th, 2008
Thanks for stopping by Sallie. yes my B-day was on Tuesday.
I wouldn’t give up my husband either. I always knew that I wanted to get married, ever since I was a little girl. My daughters and sons also await the day that they get married. My husband and I must make marriage look appealing, and I think that is what God intended it to be.
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February 14th, 2008
I wouldn’t give up my man for anything. He is strong, wise, and a good Christian husband and father! I love him!!
Happy Valentine’s and did I read birthday, too?!
God bless,
Sallie
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February 14th, 2008
Hello Brenda. Thansk you for the birthday wishes.
I agree with you, that it begins in the home of each family to make the neccessary changes in attititude, midset and behavior to change the way that women look at men and vice versa.
Thank you for commenting Brenda.
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February 14th, 2008
Hey Chayil. Good to see you and thanks for the link. I won’t be downloading the book though because Suze Orman and Oprah are very suspect in their motives regarding women and Christaianity.
I don’t take either of thier advice regarding relationships or finances. But I did watch Oprah yesterday when she had the cast of the Cosby show on it was great. Also I will be watching her show when she has the cast of Lorraine Hansbury’s “A Raisin in the Sun” on.
You don’t want to miss that.
Thanks again for the 411 Chayil.
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February 14th, 2008
I, too, can’t stand the “male bashing” that many women engage in. I have a friend who is one of six sisters, & not a one of them is married. For the most part, they are suspicious of men, & see them as “takers”. I think this is so sad.
Feminism has done a great job of selling the idea that women are better off without men around…at all. And what a lot of new problems this has created!! You are right, Hadias, when you say that women are being deceived today about God’s best for them, just as surely as the Serpent deceived Eve, twisting God’s words & intent for her & Adam.
It’s a unhappy set of rules that feminism operates within. I can’t change 30 plus years of such thinking. BUT…I can try to bring peace & happiness to my own home & family. That is how the ship, so to speak, will be turned around: one family at a time.
Brenda
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February 14th, 2008
Taking a tiny blogging break but I wanted to share this with you:
Download your free copy of Suze Orman’s book (Women & Money) in English before 8/7c the evening of February 14. http://flv.oprah.com/suze_orman_eng.pdf
Enjoy and Happy Valentine’s day!
Chayil
I am definately coming back to read this post! Happy belated Birthday!
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