Marriage 101: Financial Tension

Faith and finance seem to be an issue that runs very deeply within many marriages. What is it that causes so much strife when it comes to husbands and wives dealing with finances?

The biggest thing that I find to be a factor of discord between husbands, wives and finance, is that everyone wants to be in control. There can only be one leader of a household. The home should not have to heads. The husband is the head of the wife. Once we can get on one accord with that biblical fact we can get a handle on the strife that comes with dealing with finances.

Money decisions don’t always have to end in an argument. If we let go of our fears and hang ups about money we will begin to experience a relationship with our spouses like never before.

And they shall be one flesh.

Early on in my marriage I decided that I wasn’t going to allow a man to rule me, and the only way to keep this from happening was to make my own money. This way of thinking led to many problems within my marriage especially when I became a stay at home wife. This way of thinking played on my insecurities and prevented me becoming one with my husband.

I felt that without an income I had no say; no power. But that was so far from the truth. I had set up a false ideal as an idol in my life which was leading me to distrust the word of God. When I began to look at my husband the way that God looked at us; as one, then I slowly began to no longer feel the need to have my own bank account and income. I began to allow my husband to provide for me the way that God had intended. My husband didn’t get it right in the beginning either but day by day we began to trust each other. I began to trust that God would enable my husband to provide for our family and in turn my husband began to believe that God would equip him to meet the financial needs of our family.

When a woman doesn’t highly esteem her husband she crushes his hopes. She shows him her lack of faith by going to her parents every time that they are in a financial jam. She also does this by down talking and shining a light on his financial shortcoming in front of his children or their friends. Instead of showing up his shortcomings encourage him to depend on God. Encourage him to search the word to see if he is missing something in the financial stewardship of his money.

He should ask himself “Am I paying tithes and offering consistently; or am I robbing God? Am I spending more than I make? Am I saving any money?” As the wife you need to be asking some questions as well. Are you saving in the kitchen by not wasting food and by cooking at home to cut back on expenses?

Are you doing your part?

The husband and wife are one flesh and must operate as such. The husband can’t make the money outside of the house and have the wife waste it in the kitchen. Nor can the husband make bad financial decisions concerning the family. He must demonstrate that he can be trusted to make sound financial decisions, but ladies regardless to whether he does or doesn’t you are to still submit to him by the word of God.

Your submission is not based upon his performance.

Each spouse needs to be on one accord but that doesn’t mean that they will always see eye to eye. When they don’t the wife must leave the final say up to her husband and place her trust in God. If we put our faith in God and not in man, jobs or bank accounts this will get us one step closer to creating harmony in the household when dealing with the issue of finances in marriage.

Comments

  1. Lawanda says

    “The husband can’t make the money outside of the house and have the wife waste it in the kitchen.”

    That is SO true! And so is this:

    “Your submission is not based upon his performance.”

    Which makes it pretty hard to deal with sometimes, when you know he is not making wise decisions, but he doesn’t want to listen at all.

    I am still hoping my dh will learn to put God first someday. Hopefully I am setting him a good example.

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  2. Rain says

    I find the same issue happens in our home too. My husband feels like since he brings in all the money, his responsibility ends there. But let me make a mistake, miss a bill or anything like that and he is quick to become Lord of the Manor. We’ve made some progress in this area, but we still have a long way to go.

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  3. Chayil says

    This sounds nothing like my household, sad to say. I am the one who deals with the finances from kitchen to rent to schoolfees to pocketmoney for dh and I.
    I usually don’t mind because I have a degree in book keeping and also one in taxes so it makes sense that I tend to the finances on a day to day bases. It ticks me off when I am sick for a long period of time and dh has not opened one bill or even paid any accept for the ones that I authorized the bank to pay. He truly feels that because he is the bread-winner all he has to do is go to work and that’s it. We had quite a big argument about this last weekend when I found a stack of bills unopened behind some books! I have to say that my tears brought some sense to him and he sat down with me for the first time in a decade (+) and he allowed me to show him what needs to be paid. He did not even know how much money was coming in and out of the house! He promised to change, I might just have him read this blog just for a lil show and tell how other families deal with finances.

    Have a great weekend!

    Chayil

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