Growing Pains

Tomorrow will be my oldest daughter’s official first day of High school at home. We have decided that homeschooling her through high school would be the best option for her.

My daughter is academically gifted according to the states educational standards. She is in all Honors classes at the public school and is excelling in her extracurricular academic activities. She is not a disrespectful child, however she is a strong willed child. If she does not agree with us, then she will try to find a way to deviate from our instructions.

Particularly in the area of courting. She desires to date and is willing to date irregardless of our instructions. We define dating as the process of an individual choosing their own partners with the involvement of their parents with no specific goal or purpose for the relationship. We define courting as the parents and child (adult or minor) participating as a family in choosing a potential mate for the purpose of marriage.

She claims that the boy that she likes is a very nice boy, which we don’t doubt. Where the problem lies is that if the boy is so nice than why did she not allow us to meet with him before agreeing to date him? Why than do we have to hear about it from a student at her school?

Here is why? She knows that we are not going to approve of her courting at the age of fourteen and two she doesn’t want to have to wait on our approval.

Her inability to speak openly and honestly about these tough choices is an indication to us that she is not ready to date or court. She knows the requirements for beginning the courting process. She knew the consequences for disobeying, which were that she’d be home schooled the remainder of high school.

Here is one scriptural basis for our decision. I have included 3 different versions:

Song of Solomon 8:6-8 says

The Message

The Woman said;

My brothers used to worry about me: “Our little sister has no breasts. What shall we do with our little sister when men come asking for her? She’s a virgin and vulnerable, and we’ll protect her. If they think she’s a wall, we’ll top it with barbed wire. If they think she’s a door, we’ll barricade it. ” Dear brothers, I’m a walled-in virgin still, but my breasts are full—And when my lover sees me, he knows he’ll soon be satisfied.”

The Amplified

Gathered with her family and the wedding guests in her mother’s cottage, the bride said to her stepbrothers, “When I was a little girl, you said ‘We have a little sister and she has no breasts. What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for in marriage?'”

“If she is a wall [discreet and womanly], we will build upon her a turret [a dowry] of silver; but if she is a door [bold and flirtatious], we will enclose her with boards of cedar.”

[Well] I am a wall [with battlements], and my breasts are like the towers of it. Then was I in [the king’s] eyes as one [to be respected and to be allowed] to find peace.

New Living Translation

The Young Woman’s Brothers said “We have a little sister too young to have breasts. What will we do for our sister if someone asks to marry her? If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower. But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar.”

Young Woman replied “I was a virgin, like a wall; now my breasts are like towers.When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees.

My daughter is in some instances a wall, pure, undefiled, and vulnerable and we shall continue to build her up according to the words of the Lord. At the same time she is bold and flirtatious thinking that she knows more about young boys than we do. Therefore we will enclose her in boards of cedar.

There will come a time when she does not have to abide by our guidelines, but while she is still our child she will adhere to the rules of our home. She will not die from denying herself the opportunity to begin courting for another year or two. What we are looking for as her parents is the discipline to deny her own will and also the maturity to trust the parents that God has blessed her with.

Below are two other post that I have written on this subject:

Proverbs Wife: Courting or Dating: Is there a Difference?

Proverbs Wife: Parenting 101: Preparing for Marriage

In addition, stop by and see what I tackled over at my blog “The Wife at Home”.