A Proverbs Wife

The Heart of a Child

Originally Posted April 2008 I never imagined how challenging it would be to parent. While my oldest child was young I never thought that we would get to a point where she would begin to pull away. I assumed that some teens did that because they had bad parents, but so much has been revealed to me.
What do I do with a child that seems to despise every word that comes out of my mouth? How do I encourage a child that seems so discouraged? Well that is what I want to discuss today. I want to encourage anyone who is struggling to win back the hearts of thier children.

I sometimes feel as though my efforts are in vain, but this morning I asked myself the same question that the Apostle Paul asked concerning his responsibility to his followers. “Are not ye my work in the Lord?”
Loving my children is one of my primary jobs as their parent. Helping them to overcome challenges is my duty. In the book of Genesis 3:15, God told Eve that there would be enmity between Satan’s offspring and the offspring of the Women. No wonder my children struggle emotionally and spiritually. They are under serious attack.

I have been called to be a shepherd and leader for my children. It is great that I serve in other capacities to help bring others to Christ, but I cannot lose focus on my primary role. My primary responsibility is to first Shepherd my own sheep into His Kingdom. “If I be not an apostle unto others, yet doubtless I am unto you: for the seal of my apostleship are ye in the ye in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 9:2

So how then do I deal with my children when they struggle with their faith? How do I assure them that they are loved when they don’t feel loved? Paul assures me that I have been given the power to love my children through their struggles and the power to handle the work that it entails 1 Corinthians 9:3-6

In order to have the rainbow I must accept rain and in order for me to have grown crops I must have first plowed the field. I must daily transform my mind. I must remind myself of the hope that is at the end of all of my efforts. I must plow their hearts even when my back is aching and the ground of their hearts have become hardened.

So what do I do to help my children if they are struggling?

  • I love them more.
  • I touch them more.
  • I spend more time with them.
  • I pray with them and for them even more.
  • I fight against the feeling of frustration and defeat.
  • I ask God to give me the patience to meet my child’s needs.
  • I encourage and genuinely praise them even more.
  • I look for the positive in them rather than the negative.
  • I overlook some of their faults during this time in order to show them the grace of God.
  • I ask God to help me to remember that they are not my enemy.
  • I give them as much of my undivided attention as possible.
  • I show them that through my actions that it is my pleasure to be around them.
  • But above all I love on them more and more.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

What are you doing to keep or recapture the heart of your child?

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13 thoughts on “The Heart of a Child

  1. I have been reading your blog for a couple of days and I just want to say how blessed I have been by it! So much of the “Christian” parenting advise I have read focuses on gaining more control of kids and showing them we are boss but you focus on how we as mothers need to work on bringing in more love and more peace into our homes and that is so true. Most importantly I LOVE that you recognize that our children are reflections of us and that before we can expect better from them we need to expect better from ourselves and that the Lord will make us into the good examples we need to be for our children if we would just surrender to Him!


    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    Thanks for sharing your heart. <3


  2. This was such a warm and loving post and one I needed to read today, as I deal with my oldest. Thanks for the reminder.


  3. HopewellMomSchool says:

    I think it’s tough to surrender the worldly idea that we should be “friends” with our kids. I struggle with this too–if you encourage them in something it becomes the last thing in the world they want to do! Pray, pray, pray without ceasing!


  4. Brenda…you have been visiting and commenting on my blog for so long and I had no idea that you had teenaged daughters.

    What a blessing it is to have a close relationship with teens children.

    I think that what you wrote is very important regarding undesrtanding where their modiness is coming from.

    One thing that I see is that my daughter deals with her moodiness a similar way to how I deal with it.

    I had to begin to set a more Godly example for her to follow.


  5. Anonymous says:

    So far, I have enjoyed the teen years with my daughters (ages 16 & 14). To be sure, there are days when I feel as if I’m not getting through to them. I also know that hormones play a role in the moodiness I sometimes see in them (and that they see in me!). I think the best way to keep close to them is to show the genuine joy I feel having them around. Doing things together that we all like is hugely helpful….we like to watch a movie on Friday nights, & over the years, dialogue from these various films has become part of our family lexicon. It would sound really dopey to an outsider, but it makes us laugh. I hope & pray that all my children will be able to look back on their childhood as a time of overall happiness (the good things we did outweighing the mistakes we made), & to know just how much they were loved.



  6. It is a phase most moms will see our darling children turn into difficult and rebellious teens. But just bear with that period Hadias and through my experience with 3 kids, it’s just temporary though it can be a few years.I’m sure your strong love will expedite that transition stage.


  7. LOL! I always use extreme words! hehe

    It bugs my dh too 😉 Even though I do try not to say “always” and “never” and “everything” they almost always come out! :-p


  8. Lawanda and Jubilee…

    I have noticed that we all have used the words always and everything. These are words that my husband has been reminding me to try and remove from my vocabulary.

    Reasons being…If I think that my child despises (everything) that comes out of my mouth than that way of thinking could be (emphasis on COULD BE) affecting the way in which I deal with her as a parent.

    In addition if I believe that I (always) seem to be odds with my child then that could also impact my relationship with my child.

    And this goes for spouses as well. I used to say to my husband “It seems like you are ALWAYS working”.

    What he would do is sit me down and have me verballize how many days he had actually worked and how many hours. And come to find out, that it wasn’t anymore than usual.

    But using the word always, never and everything begins to overdramatize the situation in my mind.

    Please don’t be offended. I am not picking on either of you ladies. I’m really just pointing this out to myself. Since I did use the word (EVERYTHING) in my post.

    As soon as I read your comments and reread my post, I could hear my husbands words as clear as day reminding to choose a less exagerated word to describe the situation.

    Parenting is hard…sometimes. But it is my greatest joy most of time.

    I believe that is and accurate description of what I feel.


  9. I really needed this today. My six year old and I always seem to be at odds. Sometimes it is difficult to be around him, but that is when I know he needs me most. What a tough job motherhood is!


  10. My nearly 13 yo and I struggle along these lines. She despises everything that comes out of my mouth, too, it seems.

    You might be interested in this link.


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