I Corinthians 11:7-9
“For a man is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.”
I’ll group the first three together because they piggyback off of one another. If you don’t already do this you should begin each week by asking your husband these three questions…
1. “What are your goals for the week?”
2. “What can I do to help you accomplish these goals?”
3. “Is there anything that I can do differently that would make your week/life easier?”
(My husband loves when I ask him these questions. But I want to warn you, ladies…prepare yourselves for his answer to number 3. Please don’t hold out the hope that he’ll say “No sweetheart, you are doing everything perfectly”, because you may wind up getting your feelings hurt. And be prepared with the expectation that you will be able to meet his needs.)
I recently posted about creating a “Homemaking Binder”. The post includes links to pictures and instructions. Your binder will help you fulfill tasks number 4 and 5.
4. Be organized with cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, and cooking.
(When you have your job under control he can better focus on his, not having to worry about the laundry list of household chores you’ll have waiting for him as soon as he steps in the door after work.)
(You will have an organized schedule of daily jobs with a beginning and end time to your workday as a homemaker. As a homemaker you are your own boss, so if you are still cleaning the house at 8 P.M. then you need to fire yourself.)
5. Save some of your energy each day for him.
(Yes that includes sex too, un hun, on a regular basis. By the way, if you haven’t read my views on sex in the marriage stop and read this first and then come back and continue. Don’t worry I’ll wait.)
6. Put him first over the children, your parents, friends, jobs and homemaking responsibilities.
7. Willingly and cheerfully rearrange your schedule for him when he asks.
(I’m still working on the cheerfully part.)
8. Talk about him in a positive light to others (especially in front of your children). Don’t slander him even if what you are saying is true.
9. Do and say things that build him up rather than tear him down.
(Proverbs 14.1 “ The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” The quickest way to make your husband vulnerable to temptation is to constantly tear him down with your words.)
10. Do whatever you can to make him look good and accomplish his goals.
11. Consider his work job, goals, hobbies/work for the lord, as more important than your own.
(Did I just hear someone suck their teeth?…Yes ladies, I said it. Scripture tells me that “For a man is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man…1 Cor.11:7” it also states “Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord…But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything…
This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” So in a nutshell everybody won’t get this. So when my husband informs me that I need to cancel my plans because he has made other arrangements…guess what I do?….You got it. I cancel my plans…but I am still working on the willingly and cheerfully part.)
12. Think often of specific ways that you can help him accomplish his goals.
(An example would be, getting up early to help him prepare for work having begun his day with a good breakfast. If your husband is going to work on an empty stomach, and you haven’t a clue about how to remedy this situation, see Proverbs 31:15)
13. Think of the things that you are involved in or are planning to get involved in. Do they glorify your husband? Ask him for his guidance in deciding what to devote your time too.
I appreciate this post because I feel you capture the essence of a humble spirit in marriage. While some of the details may change based on work situation, family schedules etc, the heart of “putting my husband first” is key!
I am so blessed to have a husband who reciprocates this attitude towards me, and often is actually the first to ask what he can do to help me. It is so humbling to realize that he values my work in the home. Without me asking him, he took over washing, folding and putting away ALL of our laundry.
I think of all the things you mention, what stands out to me the most is to ask my husband’s advice in ordering my time. It’s not that I am uncapable of planning my day, but this simple act is out of respect for his priorities. Just like a team works best with one leader, I believe the same is true of marriage. It is a struggle for me to give up my priorities and plans, but it strengthens my trust in God to honor my husband’s plans above my own. There is so much I need to improve on in this area, and intend to come back over and over to your post!
Blessings for your marriage and walk with the Savior!
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I just read “18 ways a wife may be the glory of her husband” in Martha Peace’s book “The Excellent Wife” page 55. Is this where you got your inspiration? It’s great biblical, convicting and encouraging!
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A Proverbs Wife Reply:
August 9th, 2016 at
@Joyce Girgenti, yes. At the very bottom of the post I link to her book as the inspiration for my post. That’s a book Iv’e studied countless times and highly recommend to all married Christian women.
<any blessing to you my friend.
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Love this! And if some of you aren’t in agreeance, that’s ok, but is it really necessary to come on here and talk to other people in such a way? Isn’t the women’s liberation movement all about a woman having the right to CHOOSE how she wants to live?
BTW The Excellent Wife is one of my favorite books! I reread it every time I get frustrated with my husband! Lol
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A Proverbs Wife Reply:
December 16th, 2015 at
@carrie, I reread it too when I feel like I’m slipping back into old habits and thought patterns. Have a blessed week.
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I know you wrote this blog a while ago, but I hope you will still answer my question… I am the “bread winner” in my marriage and currently my husband is temporarily unemployed. Do you think there is a God-honoring way to adapt this list for a working wife and mother? Even when my husband worked, I made more money and came home later in the day. It isn’t practical for me (or any full time working wife) to completely adhere to this list. And although, I agree with the sentiment and biblical rationale behind each item on this list, I have to admit that I feel “less than” reading this post because of my position as a working wife and mother. I’m not searching for equality with my husband, I already know that I am seen by God in that light. However, a spirit of service should be in both the wife and the husband for a prosperous marriage. Your thoughts?
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A Proverbs Wife Reply:
November 24th, 2014 at
Hi @Alicia. You have very valid points. Keep in mind the context of the post is from the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace and not actually my words, but simply paraphrased. That being said, I think we all can find ways to honor God no matter our current circumstance. Godly marriage is a joint effort that’s not stagnant, but every maturing toward Christ likeness despite the circumstances. I don’t think you working full-time makes you any less Godly than someone who may be doing everything in this post. At the end of the day, I believe each of us must bring our personal circumstance before God and ask him to shape them in a way that brings Him glory and honor. Ultimately, I believe He wants us to put our relationship with Him first, and then our husband and parental obligations. I truly don’t believe housekeeping duties hold that signifcant a weight in Gods eyes as we may believe. Look at the versus on Mary and Martha. I think the points in the post about loving our husbands by revering them, considering them, making them a priority in our lives and showing them in our words and action how much they mean to use are far more important than a neat and tidy house. There was a time when I was working more than earning more than my husband, during that time he cheerfully picked up more of the slack around the house. Even during that time, I honored him and looked to him as head of the home. I believe the character of serventhood will naturally show up in the lives of believers no matter who’s making the most money or working the most hours. I hope my response makes sense.
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Question: I love trying to be the type of wife that does all the things listed above but I get very discouraged because my husband doesn’t put in an effort to be a better husband, what do you do in this type of situation?
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
April 3rd, 2014 at
@Ashley, in the case where your husband is not (yet) receptive to your effort to love, honor and cherish him, you must seek appreciation and fulfillment from the Lord. When I first began working on becoming a better wife my husband wasn’t receptive either. The years of hurt words and actions had made him bitter and distrustful of me. It hurt me when I would try to be a Godly wife only to be treated with a tinge of disdain. For a while he was content to be ugly but I had made a commitment to God to treat my husband as I would Christ so I wasn’t reliant on how my husband responded. I began to get joy from knowing I was pleasing the Lord. With time, my husband once again became the awesome man I fell in love with and married. In fact, he became better. I truly think my obedience played a part. Hope this helps. God will renew you and fill you with joy until your husband decides to do better.
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This is horrible. So a woman can’t work and her ONLY job is to clean up after, cook for, and have sex with her husband? Don’t make sex seem like a chore – it shouldn’t be.
I am in a very happy, HEALTHY relationship. My boyfriend and I share responsibilities and do things for one another without me being a slave to him. I actually ENJOY having sex with him (what a sin, I know!), and I don’t feel like I’m just “saving energy” for that. I do things for him, which I love! Both of our goals, hobbies, etc are important to both of us, which is why we have such a great relationship.
What terrible advice. I’m sorry you value yourself so little.
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Katelin Reply:
October 9th, 2014 at
@Alexandra,
I understand that you are untrusting and unreceptive to this way of viewing marriage and relationships. I’ve been there.
But things change when you get married. And things change when you have a marriage that is seeking God’s kingdom. I was one of those who was “married in my heart” long before we said, “I do.” But just within our first year of marriage, I can feel an easy burden in my job as a wife. It is weighty and wonderful all at the same time.
Seek after the Lord for your role as a child of His, and as a wife, even if you’re dating right now.
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This is still a great post. I was saddened to read the disparaging comments by one reader. Don’t let those get you down and keep doing you. You are an inspiration to those like me!
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Thank you so very much for this post, I very much enjoyed it and I am bookmarking it for when I’ll need inspiration in the future. My husband and I were married in January of this year, and I already do most of these but got some really good tips on how to do more, again thank you so much for this. Please keep up with what your doing and God Bless 🙂
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I’m with you, sister!! Wow!
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Where the hell are these views coming from, the 1950’s? You ladies are delusional. Period. Yes if you don’t work and your husband does you should work hard at doing that job well, but just like his work ending at 5 so should yours. Put his needs first?! What about you?! Kids, cleaning and cooking are work. So to promptly turn into his servant is outrageous. Dump the kids on him if you have to make dinner, or better yet! Give him a knife and tell him to chop the veggies. He wants sex? Better hope he’s getting you off too! I’ve done my share of lying there just to please him but i finally met a man who worshiped me and my body. Most of the time he even refuses to get off before I do! Marriage is team work, not indentured servitude. If that’s too hard to believe then you all need a swift kick in the head with reality, a book of the US federal laws, and maybe a few self help books for self esteem issues.
Christianity needs to evolve like society. Your book still says its ok for a man to beat his wife and children with a swatch and sell shis daughters into slavery. Why don’t you all believe that too?
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
July 17th, 2013 at
@MiLou, I’m sorry you are such an unhappy person and that your previous relationship wasn’t what you expected. Sometimes we think the problem is others when in fact it is us. I can tell by your comments that you have never or do not read the Bible often but I can promise you that ‘LOVE’ is one the primary themes and it’s always demonstrated by giving. When we seek to put ourselves and our own needs first in our marriages they often end in catastrophe. I don’t expect you to understand the idea of selflessness. It takes an individual who is confident if their faith and one who understands that God is looking out for their good. They have no fear of being a doormat or being taken advantage of. Their goal is to be like Christ who came to decrease so that the glory of God would increase. Being a Christian is based on a lifestyle of servent hood. Those who put themselves first will be last.
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unzipped Reply:
September 3rd, 2013 at
@MiLou, Husband works outside of home, I do not. We have an agreement that if I were to ever work outside we will split chores equally or hire help. I end my day after dinner. He plays with the kids during that time. He & I take turns doing the various tasks that come with putting kids to bed. My husband doesn’t “most of the time even refuse(s) to get off before I do.” He always makes sure I’m satisfied. That includes not ever making me feel like I HAVE to. A spirit of servitude doesn’t mean you are a slave. A true Christian man will be understanding, respect you, & treat you well. You will receive all you give & more. It is a partnership. In our home Sundays are dedicated to God & individual time. It is the time I use to replenish myself (fun projects, reading, Bible study, whatever relaxing thing I want to do, & family fun). My family’s needs are always met & so are mine.
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
September 4th, 2013 at
@unzipped, thank you so much for sharing your experiences.
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Kristen Reply:
October 20th, 2016 at
@unzipped, I really like your idea for Sundays. Thank you! I will remember that one.
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Kristen Reply:
October 20th, 2016 at
@MiLou, if you are going to attack the beliefs of those of us who believe in doing things by the Bible, you should probably read it first and yes, ALL of it. Reading the source material is essential to making an argument either in favor of or against a viewpoint in modern society and perhaps, if you had read the Bible, you might know that a total of zero of the things you mentioned are actually in there. I’m on my second time through the Bible now and nowhere does it EVER permit men to sell their daughters into slavery or to lay a hand on their wives. In fact, it says the exact opposite. You’re thinking of the Qur’an and yes, I’ve read that one, too.
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I recommend getting the book “The power of a praying wife” by Stormy Omartian.
Your husband is lucky to have you! Just the fact that you are searching for ways to support him speaks volumes about your kind heart!
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prettyyellow Reply:
September 2nd, 2014 at
@Dawn,
Excellent Book!
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A Proverbs Wife Reply:
September 16th, 2014 at
@prettyyellow, Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.
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So I have a question, my husband is incarcerated in prison. How else can I go about encouraging him to be the husband God intended? I love the advice. Background on my husband and I is that we have been married since 2005, he has been in prison for almost 3 years. Thanks for the advice. 🙂
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Jenny Reply:
August 9th, 2013 at
@Jenny,
I agree with Dawn, The Power of a Praying Wife is a great start. You can follow just about every suggestion offered here. Continue to speak well of him, pray with him in letters (or visits if you have them) If you have children, be sure to speak kindly of him in their presence as well. My hope is that he is a Christian, having accepted Christ as his personal saviour and fully repented for the sins that have him in prison. Forgiving people of horrendous sins is near impossible in our culture and time…but God has forgiven all of us for every one of ours. Be sure to have a core group of women to support you in your journey, stay away from those who condemn you.
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I love this! Thank you for sharing and your encouragement!
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
October 15th, 2012 at
@Nichole,
You’re welcome Nichole. I love using this list as a guide for my marriage. Some find the list offensive but I’m so glad you enjoyed it.
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Melanie Reply:
October 25th, 2012 at
@The Proverbs Wife , It’s such a sad day in this world when people find this offensive. 🙁 Right on target if you ask me!~
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
October 25th, 2012 at
@Melanie,
Amen to that!
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Very good advice for women here. It isn’t always easy to do some of the things, and other things I’m still working on. Being organized is not one of my strong suits. Thank you for this. 🙂
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
September 16th, 2012 at
It’s not easy and being a wife is a life long journey. None of us are perfect. Use the list as a guide and seek Gods direction for your marriage each day.
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a link from another blog brought me here… so do you have a how to glorify you wife post? guess you dont think men and women are equal either.
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
August 29th, 2012 at
@angelica,
No I have not published a post on how to glorify your wife. This site is to help women become proverbs wives not to teach men how to love their wives. There are plenty of Christian sites on the internet that share insite into what husbands can do to love and honor their wives. Plus…there’s the Bible which is an excellent resource on how to love and treat wives. Your guess would be right. Men and women are not equal. Wives are created to be better equipped in some areas and husbands are created to be better equipped in others. Biblically speaking, men and women were created in Gods image for different purposes. While we are created to serve different purposes in the marriage, Christian husbands are the head of their families (including the wife) just as Christ is the head of the church. Ephesians 5:23. I personally don’t think Christian women should put to much stock into desiring to be equal with their husbands. Time would be much better spent serving God and trying to be more like Christ. IMHO. 😀
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Kristen Reply:
October 20th, 2016 at
@angelica, All human beings are of equal value to God. He created us all and He values us all, but men and women were created for different purposes. If He had wanted one gender to be able to be superman or superwoman and handle everything on his or her own, He would not have created the partnership of marriage. Husbands and wives are equally valued by God, but they both have different jobs to do and we are women who recognize ours.
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I really enjoyed this, especially when you backed it up with the scripture. Thanks for posting!
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
August 16th, 2012 at
@michelle,
Thanks!!
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I love this post. Thanks for the reminder.
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
August 5th, 2012 at
Thanks. You’re welcome.
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19. Morning sex. What do you girls think? Ask your husband.
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Though the “Feminist” side of me bristles at times, the “Female twice divorced” sees and agrees with most of what you wrote. Wishing for you a long and blessed marriage. BB2U
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Awesome!
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The Proverbs Wife Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at
Thanks Shonda. I left a comment for you on your blog.
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Wow, wow, Wow! I loved this post! I have even bookmarked it so I can reread it when I need to! You have definitely given me much to think about today! Blessings to you!
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PS – I borrowed the “My husband is a real catch” graphic to decorate my blog, since it is new and quite bare.
Thanks again!
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This was such a wonderfully refreshing post. It is so lovely to see women today who actually love and honor their mates. It is sometimes very hard to do, but my experience is that the payoff far exceeds the effort. And don’t worry I think we all struggle with the cheerfully part at times.
Glad to have found your blog, you have inspired me! Bless you!
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I think it is wonderful that you and your husband have such a sweet relationship. He sounds like a great guy. And I already know you are a great gal 😉
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