If You Could Begin Your Marriage Again, What Would You Do Differently? Pt. 1

Submit To My Husband From Day One

Although we have made it through the first few years of marriage despite all of the arguments, if I had it to do again I would have trusted God and submitted to my husband from day one.

When I married, I knew I had trust issues but marriage exposed and magnified them. Being married to the man I loved so deeply seemed to expose my most deepest fear — which at the time was, being alone.

Not the kind of alone that makes you say — I don’t have any friends and I’m lonely kind of alone, but the — I love this person so much that if they’d leave it would be the end of me type of alone.

My husband helped me understand that some of that fear resulted from the death of my dad on my 11th birthday, my mother abandoning me and later the death of my aunt when I was 16. My husband helped me to finally understand that my fears where ultimately a lack of relationship with God.

I couldn’t submit to my husband from day one because I wasn’t even submitted to God. I felt that God had abandoned me just like everyone else I loved, but God used my husband to help me address these issues. They both loved me enough to be patient with me and now I am fully surrendered to both God and my husband as a result.

If you had it to do all over again, what would you do differently?

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Comments

  1. Megan says

    I’ve been married for 2 1/2 years now, and I too struggle with that same “alone” fear… even now. In fact all of my nightmares revolve around losing my husband in some manner (death, divorce, etc). I had just assumed this was due to my past, but your post showed me that this is something that has a solution. God! Just like your husband said! Thank you for this post. I’m sure that I’m not the only one who struggles with this.

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    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Megan,
    I still have dreams about losing my husband in fact I had one last night and the night before the difference now is that I know God knows what’s best for me. And I trust Him. I know He doesn’t want fear to have a hold on us so I am joining in pray with you to have peace in the area where you are struggling. I praying for you to draw closer to God and for Him to comfort You and make you feel secure as he has done me. I know you love God Megan and I am praying for all fear to be removed so that you can walk completely in faith.

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  2. Kimberly McRae says

    I think that we were definitely ready to get married and that we just had to work on communicating better. Something tells me that will be a lifelong process : ) We do not have the complications of kids yet and I am a Homemaker so our marriage does not have too many stressful factors just yet. However, I am thankful for this and feel like we will be ready when we are blessed with children because we have made tremendous strides in working out our communication faults and we talk about how and what we expect and want when we raise our children.

    I would like to just say that as far as submitting to our husbands I have found that there is so much more power in suggesting and appealing then there is in demanding something to go the way we think it should. Over the 4 years of our marriage I have seen the difference in the way that my husband responds to me and he is a much better listener when it comes to my opinions on things when I appeal to him. Though I submit to my husband I feel extremely powerful in a sense because I know that with God and the respect of my husband my views and ideas will be considered and when they are not acceptable to my husband I get a sense of it either not being an issue any longer or that his opposed thoughts on the matter were more in line with what God wants.

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  3. Jessica says

    I would love to share that….what were you thinking? This has been about a year in thinking, deciding, and working towards this decision. Let’s chat 🙂

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  4. says

    Wow that is some powerful stuff. I am so sorry that you went through all of that but thankful that God brought a man into your life to reflect His love for you.

    If I had it to do all over again… I’m just not sure. I definately could have been kinder. I didn’t handle combining households very well. I am a control freak and if he helped me but didn’t do things MY way then it wasn’t good enough.

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  5. Jessica Bish says

    I would have never worked…. I would have been a home maker from day one. Once we were into the routine it’s taken much longer then we though to get back out of it. Lord willing… soon I’ll be home with my babies!

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    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Jessica Bish,

    I’d love for you to share some of the reasoning behind why you feel so strongly now regarding being a stay at home mom.

    For me, I just felt heartbroken for the few weeks that we did send our two youngest to day care. The two oldest never went but my two youngest did. I thought I was missing out on the workplace and an extra income but I realized quickly that I wanted to be at home with my children.

    Thanks for sharing Jessica.

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