A Proverbs Wife

Why Does Modesty Lie On The Shoulders of Women?

Why does it seem as if modesty lies upon the shoulders of women?

I had a hard time getting my thoughts about this topic written out in a easy to read post. I struggled first because I believe that faith is a personal walk that involves actively seeking Gods direction. As each of us seek after God we receive revelation and understanding which allows us to accept and apply His word to our lives despite any persecution we might face.

I dress modestly because I believe the entire Bible and seek to apply all things that are revealed in it to my everyday life. I believe that women have the power to influence men with their bodies. I also believe that the influence can be used for good or for evil like anything else. As Christian men and women we must make a decision to either follow Gods word concerning modesty and lust or not.

In general, men are more prone to the lust of the flesh which is something we see addressed in several places of the Bible including Matthew 5:28 which says, “But I say to you, that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart“. In the case of lusting after the flesh or tempting one to do so, each gender plays a role.

We are given specific gender related instruction throughout the Bible regarding attire that is pleasing to God. From what I understand of clothing and attraction is that men can be stimulated by what they see. I am equally aware that the female body was created for man’s enjoyment and vice versa. We can read Song of Solomon to understand the delight that a man receives from looking upon and interacting with the female body.

In a marriage between a husband and wife, it is completely lawful for a man to become excited and aroused when he gazes upon his wife. It is God’s desire that he experience these affection in this context. It is equally lawful for a women to stimulate these desires in her husband. What is not lawful is for a man to gaze on a women lustfully who is not his wife, even so that the Bible provides a remedy for those who are not able to withhold themselves from doing so.

Matthew 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

God did not miss the mark in regards to how we ought to deal with our gender specific temptations. He gave specific instructions to men and specific instructions to women. God created man to have a visual and physical attraction to women just as he created women to have a desire to be noticed and appreciated. In an effort to get noticed women have forsaken the precepts of God.

Dressing modestly is a command given by God and directed toward women specifically because He already knew that as a direct result of our sinful nature, we would try and use our physical attributes to fulfill our desire for attention. Satan is crafty and knows of the sinful nature that resides within each of us. He knows about the desires within us and his primary goal is to take those desires and use them for evil.

I’m not writing to condemn or convince anyone today — what you wear is your business! If you do dress immodestly here are some thing that I’d like for you to consider.

The decision to dress modestly goes far beyond what we wear on the outside. Dressing modestly is merely an outward expression of a inward decision to live a life set apart for God. Women who choose to dress modestly have made a choice that expresses God’s desire.

  • Christian women who dress immodestly either don’t know what message they are conveying or they don’t care.

  • Christian women who dress immodestly either don’t know that they are assisting men in sin or they don’t care.

I have been guilty of this myself both knowingly and unknowingly. You can read about when I made my choice to dress modestly.

So to answer the question at hand — the reason it seems as though the responsibility of modesty lies on the shoulders of women is because it does. We as women are more susceptible to using or sexuality or body parts to get attention. We see it every day in the media. It is the women who primarily way more immodest than men. We see 90% more nude or inappropriately dressed women on television than men and the same is true in real life.

Each of us has to make an individual choice to live modest lives. Men must choose to turn away from that which is immodest and women must refrain from dressing immodestly.


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5 thoughts on “Why Does Modesty Lie On The Shoulders of Women?

  1. You are right on, Saidah! I’ve been really weak lately not because of my desire to dress however I want but because I feel really sensitive towards others who choose to dress immodestly. I was just at a bridal shower the other day(where I am the bride’s maid). Everyone in the room was a Christian but not everyone was dressed modestly. My husband happened to be there to pick me up before it started and when the shower ended and admitted that the way some women dressed distracted him. Because we are women who actively stand up for modesty and are aware of the effects and implications of how women dress, it’s like our minds have been transformed to think like males (being aware with eyes peeled but not enticed) around women who show a lot of skin. I feel like it’s both a blessing and a curse to know the truth and be outspoken about it—but that’s the same case with our faith in general. I just really wish that women understood the need to do our part in helping out men to fight lust. We have a big responsibility as women because men have reflexes they cannot control, and the sight of skin here and there can easily be covered up on our part.

    Thanks for being a wonderful friend and being outspoken about this. I wish that I had someone to share my pain with and cry with who isn’t online!


    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Rachel @ a la Modest,

    I can definitely relate to it being both a blessing and a curse. Whenever I mention how immodest American Christians are I feel like other Christian women are not in agreement with me. As a whole body of believers, it doesn’t seem as if many of us are concerned about how our clothing choices affect other brothers in Christ.

    Not only the way that it affects them but also the message it sends to others who watch our actions.


  2. sometimes I think about those mini skirts and almost nothing shirts and wonder how I ever left the house. I think it is a daily descision to take a look in the mirror and see what jumps out first. Is it my face or is it my shirt that is hanging too low. As a mom of a teenage boy and 3 girls I feel it is my job to teach them to love there bodies and understand they are a gift from God that should be protected and covered


    The Proverbs Wife Reply:


    That’s so true Pam. I had to start with myself first before I could hold my teen to a certain standard. When I was her age I flaunted what I had but know that I know better I will do better and show my children better.


  3. Excellent!
    This is a lesson I am actively teaching my children, sons & daughter.


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