Does being an only child or a child from a family of many have an affect on how one deals with being married? Today Betty tells us how her and her husband were molded by their family size.
The Craziness of an Only Child Marriage; from compromise to finances.
Nearly thirteen years ago, I married my husband, who is an only child. He being an only child doesn’t sound so odd does it? Until you add that I am also an only child. So, now you have two people, who have grown up being the center of attention, never dealing with the noise of another person, never learning how to share their most prized possessions, never having to consider the needs of someone else near their age in their home for a long period of time, and numerous other only child things. We had grown up doing things our own way, and as far as we were concerned our way was the only way.
When we were contemplating marriage, we both said we didn’t want just one child. I was thinking two would be nice, he figured six. We both figured we would worry about that later. I never figured I would be a stay at home mom, I mean, why would I want to stay home with little people who had no manners, and couldn’t entertain themselves? He didn’t want me to work. Again, we figured this would work itself out in time. In time God worked everything out for His Glory.
So, you are now laughing, and wondering how two selfish, crazy hicks ended up even deciding to get married. You are probably wondering if we are even happy. Well, he had hay and I had horses. Oh, wait that is how we met. We actually loved spending time together. We would ride around and look at the fields of hay, farm equipment, farm auctions and such. I enjoyed that. I even went with him to work cattle. He was impressed that I even knew what I was getting myself into. Well, as time went on, ha, like three months, we made a choice that we should get married. It was never a romantic thing. It was a my gas bill and phone bill are huge—for both of us. If we are going to spend this much time together, we should probably get married. Three months later we were married.
It hasn’t always been an easy road. The first three years we spent trying to figure out how to compromise—as in not fight over the two dirty forks in the sink. We had to learn how to get through financial issues. Our faith in God has given us the ability to learn to work things out for His glory. We both have become stronger Christians together. God, somehow saw that we would be a perfect fit for each other.
Every winter seems to be a bit of a financial struggle. I think that is just how it is for farm families. This alone has taught us how to work together, compromise, and do what we believe God would want us to for our family. We wear second hand clothes, grow a large garden, preserving lots of our own produce, cook from scratch, make our own laundry soap, dishwasher soap, and bar soap.
In our family, we tend to go against the grain. My husband’s farm equipment is mostly all antique, or within a few years of being considered antique, and he drives a 65 GMC pickup. I stay home, as in, don’t leave the house for long periods of time during the winter. This is for two reasons.
- Saves Gas when our income is its lowest
- We stay much healthier.
We now have six children, who we homeschool. During the winters, we also home church. This is a sacrifice for us, in order to cut down on health care expenses. We used to go to church on Sunday, be sick by Tuesday or Wednesday, skip a week to get healthy and start all over. However, two of our children tend to need a doctor visit with every respiratory type illness, which ended up including two hospitalizations, and causing us to be priced out of our health insurance. Staying home during the peak illness times of the year seemed to be a reasonable answer, which also has saved us money. Their health has also improved.
During financial stress, the first thing to do is not blame the other spouse. Period, don’t do it. Instead take a look at your spending habits, and see what you can change. Then take a look around and see what you can sell.
Above anything else during your trials as a married couple, pray, and consider the other’s feelings before your own. God won’t leave you hanging, but honestly, your spouse may, out of humanness. Lean on God and allow Him to do the talking, while you do the praying.
About the Author:
Betty is a Christian homeschooling mom to six beautiful children. Farmwife to a farmer handpicked by God. Living and thriving in rural Kansas as a child of God, Mother, Wife, and Blogger at Peace Creek on the Prairie.