Does anyone besides me hesitate before talking to their husbands about money?
It’s not that I’m afraid to talk to Mr. Proverbs Wife about money, it’s just that conversations about money can make him feel as though I may be attacking him.
His reason for feeling this way is understandable. Before I realized the effect that my words could have on him I was not selective about how I spoke to him.
What I thought I was me being candid and straight forward about my thoughts on our finances, he took as irreverent and disrespectful.
Which leads my to the reason why I hesitate before talking to him about money.
Instead of just opening my mouth and saying the first thing that pops into my head or regurgitated the imaginary conversation that I’ve been rehearsing in my mind I do the following three things.
1- Make an appointment.
I make what some would call an appointment with my husband in advance to talk about our finances. I don’t just pounce him like a hungry lion on an unsuspecting gazelle the moment he gets in from work. I let him know in advance so we can talk when both of us are prepared and focused on the topic at hand.
2- Carefully select my words.
I am more cautious about the words I use when talking to him about money. Instead of placing blame by saying “YOU” instead I say “We”. I’ll say how are we going to fix this. This reminds me that we are in this together and that we should both be working together to find solutions.
3- Reassure him as he does me.
Most of our talks are a result of my lack of clarity on the direction we’re heading or specific plans we may have. Usually when we talk he realizes that I may have been over pondering
worrying about something very small that I’ve magnified in my mind. Throughout the conversation he reassures me with facts and evidence — usually with scripture and our budget book records, that what I am worrying over is not important. One of my big struggles in our marriage was trusting Mr. Proverbs Wife to manage our finances. He’s been managing them for several years now and does a wonderful job. He is good about updating me and going over our goals regularly. He reassures me about our path to financial security and I reassure him that I am not in attack mode like I used to be. I reassure him that he can let his guard down when we talk about money. I win his trust with my actions as he does mine.
Why am I telling you this?
I’m telling you this because one of the leading cause of arguments among married couples is related to money. I’m telling you this because, if you are married and money talks are causing arguments at your house, you can’t wait for your husband to fix it…YOU GOTTA DO IT!!
It starts with you making a conscience decision to make your marriage a priority regardless of your financial situation. It’s often hard to do when there is not enough income to make ends meet. Nevertheless, you have to decide that your finances will not determine the course of your marriage.
Are you ready to make that commitment? If so, share the news with your husband.