Finding Your Joy in Homemaking

(Coffee Mug with Lid from Dayspring)

I’m partially embarrassed to say this but…

I enjoy cleaning and tidying my home.

It’s not so much the work that I enjoy but the challenge to get it done in an effective manner that does not bring me stress.

I used to dread the task of keeping the house clean and neat because my children were young and it would never stay clean for long. I also dreaded it because managing my home seemed a never ending job.

It still is but what has changed with time has been my perspective.

No longer am I striving to have a perfectly clean home.

My goal now is to make our home suitable to my families need for security.

When cleaning and organizing my goal is to make the home a place where they can come relax and be vulnerable.

You may be thinking what does any of that have to do with cleaning?

For me it means that I’ve had to wrestle with and overcome my own faulty idea of what a successful homemaker was. I had to come to terms with the fact that my worth is not tied to how many loads of laundry I am able to do. Nor is it tied to how many tasks I checked off of my to-do list.

I’ve come to realize that my being a keeper at home is designed to correct my attitude.

It challenges me to wrestle with my imperfectness.

Being a homemaker causes me to realize how flawed I am.

It shows me that having everything checked off on my to-do lists mean nothing if I am yelling at my kids everyday.

It reminds me that having the cleanest house means nothing if i can’t bring myself to be intimate with my husband out of shear joy versus obligation.

Being a homemaker allows me to go back to the beginning of time and to be recreated. It’s changed me from the women I was into the women that God called me to be. Being at home brings me into closer relationship with God and allows Him to show me how to create a home where God grace dwells.

If you are struggling as a homemaker stop striving to meet your expectations. Let go of the reigns and turn it over to God. Start by saying a little prayer and confess that you are imperfect. Ask God to help you decrease so that he may increase. He wants to have His way with you. When you allow Him to do so, He will come in and help you to be the homemaker you never thought possible.

If you’d like me to add your name to my prayer journal just leave me a comment below.

Comments

  1. Julie Boone says

    I struggle to keep a clean and well organizes home and work a full time job and spend time with my husband adult children and elderly parent. I need pray to help me be where God needs me when he needs me there and also keep my home going. What a blessing your posts are to me. God is truly working in you. Bless you!

    [Reply]

  2. Tabi J says

    I struggle with the balance of taking care of my home and going to school and I do wish that my husband will help out at home instead of having me to do ALL of the work, even though we talked about me working (due to my educational and work history) and he being the SAHH. Just need prayers for my husband to help me out.

    [Reply]

  3. Sarah says

    How do you keep or even want to keep a home when you live with a total slob. He is 62 and makes messes everywhere. Goes through his closet like a teenager throwing clothes on the floor. Works on the house and just leaves piles everywhere, trash and tools. Mixes dirty clothes with clean. Paper stuff, mail, papers everywhere. When you try to make a ome, decor, etc, and you look where you just clean and there is no improvement, you find it hard to try any longer. Love him, but this is really causing me to stay a bit upset. Not a perfect by any means, but I do try with no avail. What to do? Please pray for us.

    [Reply]

    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Sarah,

    Sarah if I were in your shoes I’d give up having my own way. In fact my husband used to leave clothes on the floor and not clean the sink after shaving. I hated that and I didn’t feel like he was as cleanly when it came to housekeeping as I was. Key words; “I didn’t feel”.

    When I stopped nagging him and placing expectations on him he changed. I started cleaning up his messes without complaining and becoming bitter.

    ‘I changed my attitude and stopped looking at him as a slob and started looking at him as a man of God that the Lord was still working on. It wasn’t easy. During that time I felt like his servant but God taught me how to be humble and not to think of my self more highly than I ought to. Our marriages are to glorify God. They are not about spic and span homes, they are about producing spic and span hearts. If our homes are clean but are hearts are filthy by us thinking unrighteous thoughts about our spouses, the true purpose of the marriage is defeated.

    Be encouraged and know that often times God uses our spouses to agitate our sinfulness and that’s okay. He purposes are always good and the end result is to make us better. I am definitely praying for you honey.

    [Reply]

    Sarah Reply:

    I definitely don’t nag him. In fact I only mention it maybe two or three times a year. I have tried to go the just be a loving servant as Jesus asked us to be a servant. I guess the history plays a part. You see I came out of a bad 25 year marriage. He came out of a bad 30 year marriage. I totally did the leave your father and mother, grown children, jobs, home, etc to be with him. I came here to a very old, ,match stick would have been much easier” house. I came over every day for several months, before we were married, to sit on the floor and go through years of junk and trash that the other three who had lived here never cleaned. I did this with no complaining to him. I did all that for him out of love and compassion. With tears he told me of never having company or the kids not allowed friends over or the curtains never being open… And when I told him I couldn’t live that way, he cried and said “you mean I could actually invite someone in and not be embarrassed?”. I told him yes. So we, 70% me, have worked on this house for 8 years now, still going. I also have a small business from home, comes and goes, so for me to work and try to keep things clean seems to be to no avail. It is so hard to go into my workroom and see things I need to do. But if I try to clean behind him every day before I work, it is late to get started then I have to work into the evening and that defeats the purpose of being home to try to be with him. I think you got the impression that maybe I was a nagger, but no, my mother is that and it kills me to even say anything to him to give him that impression. I have talked to him maybe once or twice a year and he will try maybe one or two days and that is it. I do the ” this is my ministry” speech to myself every time, I strive to live the P31 life and have for years, so believe me I have been over and over it with God about this. We prayed every morning and night over the phone and talk the Word, discussed how we longed to minister together through mission or teaching or something for our marriage. I had been praying for years for a godly man to read and pray with me. I trusted his word. He has been teaching Sunday school for years, he shows this everywhere else but has never sat down with me once with his Bible and ask that we pray and read and study together. So you see, this is deeper than cleaning a house. Because I do know that God has given me that responsibility but when you give and give and give over and over and you are told “I am going to change” or “I was going to take care of it” when it was stacking or stuff was just making piles, etc.. You just get to your heart just not trusting in words any longer. If I sat back and let it go it would end up just like it was and I can’t live like it was. To show what was done in three months, it appraised for $30,000 more after it was cleaned and painted and a little rehab done on it. Then with a small addition now appraises for high $100,000s. Was $166 but more has been done that we were told would hit $200,000. So, this isn’t just about me thinking slob. This is about blood sweat and tears, very few “marriage moments”, a life with a man I fell deeply in love with and wanted to be with. This is about a woman who thought she was following God’s hand in being in a loving caring relationship giving up everything dear to her and in return moving many many mile away, with a house as more of the third cord than God who we always referred to in the three cord strength. This is why it is so hard to deal with it, the laziness, the lack of caring on his part. Believe me I have prayed and prayed and PRAYED! About this. I have tried to talk to him about it and he just hangs his head and says I just am no good, which is hard because that makes it where I can’t even discuss tiny little things with him that as a couple you somehow have to be able to discuss things to take care of things. I’m sorry this has gotten this long but I read into your comments that I must be a nagger and I just need to do this as a servants heart like Christ. Believe me, I have tried over and over. How do you have time to get in the rest of the P31 responsibilities when it leaves you no time. To be honest, I have come to the depressive, “Why does it even matter, he could care less if it is clean, so why even worry myself with it anymore” stage. I was promised the “we have no children, they are all grown, so we are going to spend time together and have a life and do things together and what i got was work, house, and tv sports. I try to talk from time to time and let him know I need him and time with him and he promises it will change and never does. He is good to me and wouldn’t hurt me, which makes it even worse because if we could just speak our feelings for once and have it out and get it out maybe we could get on with life, but we can’t even do that. What hurts the worst is that I thought that God had finally answered my longtime prayers about having a godly husband to lead me. That alone would have kept me from ever marrying again. So anyone reading this, be careful that you are not deceived if you are praying for something that you not be deceived. As I read your response, it really hurts when you may assume I am that way. My life has not been about selfishness. Everyone always tells me to do something for myself sometimes because I just don’t. I would rather please anyone but myself. This is not about spic and span at all. This is about an adult who could care less about his wife’s simple request once in a while. So it looks to no avail that the only choice is to just work when I have to and not worry about it. He really doesn’t, so all my blood sweat and tears and my trying to be clean and neat and tidy is just for naught. Thanks for your thoughts.

    [Reply]

    Jenn Reply:

    @Sarah, Hi, I would say you are right this is much deeper than you vs the cleanliness of the home. It seems you are crying out for help in your marriage and are not receiving it and the attitude of your husband doesn’t encourage communication. I do not think from what you have expressed here that you were deceived into marrying someone un-Godly it seems you have unresolved issues that need to be addressed. If there was healthy open communication going on between you two you would be able to approach these things without letting them build up into resentments that go un spoken because he gets down on himself due to the baggage from before. Maybe the house was always a mess in his prev. marriage because like you she tried and couldn’t keep up and he doesn’t realize its his lack of effort in ALOT of things not JUST cleaning that is going to keep him going in a life rut. You need marriage counseling so that God can talk to him to inspire him to be the man of God that he should be and so that the Lord can inspire you to be the woman of God you should be. The enemy of your soul would love for you to stay discouraged and in pain and to just give up ever being happily married. The enemy would love nothing more for your husband’s eyes to stay blind and for your heart to grow cold towards him and only see your husband’s negative aspects. I have been there and when I surrendered my marriage and sought help God worked and is changing us both for the better. You are asking for help in this comment here but you need to go to your church and ask for help where you will really get it either there or make a counseling appointment. Something has to give here so you don’t implode and so your marriage can thrive in the Lord, and with God He can heal and restore. Don’t lose hope dear sister 🙂 Don’t let the devil keep you down go seek help and tell your husband that you two need it and just be gentle go as the Lord leads you saying only what God tells you to say. Make the appointment and follow through with it or you two will suffer down a dark road and the marriage will die. Don’t let it girl keep going in the Lord. God bless you!-Jenny

    [Reply]

  4. Pam says

    Wow. Just reading these comments are so encouraging. I am a new SAHM and couldn’t be more thankful or delighted to be given this gift of time. But I am struggling to learn the ropes, how to prioriitize and how to find forgiveness with myself while still holding myself responsible. How thankful I am for this new journey. I just pray I don’t drive myself crazy in the process.

    [Reply]

  5. Tara says

    Would you please put me and my hubby to your prayer journal? I am a stay at home mom of an almost 4 year old and a 7 month old. I have never been a great housekeeper and time manager but I am married to a Marine who wants it spotless…no understanding that with young kids in the house it is an impossible task. Please pray that I can be better at managing my time to keep the house tidy and pray my husband is appreciative of the effort I put in and that tidy is ok for him.

    [Reply]

  6. Maureen Emberson says

    Would you please put me and my hubby Robert in your prayer journal? I am a stay.at.home mom and wife who isn’t the best house keeper and i am married to someone who wants it spotless…that’s one of our biggest arguments…i need to learn to be a better housekeeper and he needs to learn to not nitpick so much. Thank you so much!!!

    [Reply]

  7. Amy says

    I have struggled with this for years and feel as though I fall short constantly. Feeling that way today, too. Please add me to your prayer journal. Thank you!

    [Reply]

  8. Sherry Hefner says

    Please add me to your prayer list….I am a mother of 4 grown children who have struggles of their own, a grandmother of 3 young ones with another on the way, a pastor’s wife….and mostly, I am God’s child. I struggle with expectations. Thank you so much for all the ways you work to encourage me. May God bless your life with continued joy in His calling.
    ~Sherry

    [Reply]

  9. Steffani says

    My worth is not tied to how many loads of laundry I am able to do–but it all too often feels like it. Your comment about needing to decrease to The Lord can increase has come up in several areas of my life lately. Obviously God is trying to get my attention on this one. I’m praying for better perspective. And more energy couldn’t hurt 😉

    Thank you for sharing with us!

    [Reply]

  10. Benita says

    Please add me to your prayer journal. I am a mother of 6, the oldest is 10, and I am 7 wks pregnant. I have struggled in the area of housekeeping and establishing new habits throughout our marriage, and things are accumulating so fast I can’t get a grip on them while being sick. Please pray I can train my children in how to help and have responsibilities, that I would not get discouraged and give up, and that I would drop my stubborn pride and ask for help in a respectful, assertive way from my husband. Thank you for this article!!

    [Reply]

  11. nichole says

    Hi, I love the information you provided. I am struggiling in deciding to quit my pt job at a dental office to be a ft stay at home mom and homemaker. I struggle with depression when at home daily (like many homemakers). Your post has helped me to view it in a more positive manner. Thank you for that. Please pray for me if you could, I would appreciate it. Thank you for changing lives with your blog. Be Blessed. -Nichole

    [Reply]

    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @nichole, Definitely. I will pray for wisdom in your decision and also peace of mind.

    [Reply]

  12. Teri says

    While I am not a homemaker – even though I desire to be one – I am a single mom of four kids. Cleaning the house, making a home, has become an exhausting struggle.

    [Reply]

  13. Melissa says

    Thank you for this post.I have been a homemaker from the beginning of our marriage and we have 3 children ages 5,4 and 2 mths…. I struggle with the mentality of my life is in shambles if my home isn’t perfectly clean especially if I have an unexpected visitor… I struggle with my husband working all day and me at home feeling like my job is harder but worth less just because I don’t get paid and no time away from my job like he gets it would frustrate me
    I have been known to get so frustrated about my value as a homemaker and mom if the house wasn’t clean that I would burst in to tears and become depressed and yell at everyone who dared talk to me. I have become overwhelmed with chores and finding balance in raising my children with love and quality time and keeping home clean and tidy every minute and having meals made every day on time… its got so bad that till recently I would refuse to do any work at all… but recently I have been reaching out asking God to prefect me in his way to guide me and show me what to do and how to do it to his glory… to show me how to be a good homemaker in his ways and today he lead me to ur post and I am thankful for this blessed reminder. Please pray that I will be able to find the balance and not place value on my head based on my skills of time keepig and house keeping
    That I would let Gods glory be defined through my work and my home so my family feels safe here and not stressed
    .. thank-you

    [Reply]

  14. kim cochran says

    Hello thank you for offering to pray for me..would you please. God has lead me to your site and others to open my eyes after many prayers w help in the homemaking dept. Bless you

    [Reply]

  15. Laurie says

    Soooo needed this today! Thank you! Please add me to your prayer journal. I would greatly appreciate it!

    [Reply]

    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Laurie, Of course I will.

    [Reply]

  16. suzie esquibel says

    Please pray for me in this area. I was really convicted when you said ” it doesn’t matter if I have all my todo lust checked off if I’m yelling at my kids everyday” although I don’t have kids, I tend to get angry at my husband bc although he is the bread winner I’m at home cleaning while also going to nursing school. So I get angry.

    [Reply]

    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @suzie esquibel,
    Thank you for allowing God to speak to you through this post. It can get really frustrating when our priorities get all mixed up. Early in my marriage my husband and I talked and he was not interested in me having all those things checked off on my to-do list if it was going to make me a bitter wife and mom. It took time to break the to-do list cycle. I felt like my identity as a perfect housekeeper was connected to how clean my home was. I was so wrong. I will lift you up in prayer sweet friend.

    [Reply]

  17. Lori says

    I too would appreciate a prayer …. I’m a married parent of two great kids and it’s a struggle to keep the house neat. Your insight is great!

    [Reply]

  18. Nicole Martin says

    Yes, plese add me to your prayer list. Do to some health issues, I have had to stay home for the past severl months.

    [Reply]

    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Nicole Martin,

    I certainly will Nicole.

    Prayer Verse: “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed”. Isaiah 53:5 🙂

    [Reply]

  19. Tiffany w says

    I would love somr extra prayers. Ive been having a rough couple of years to say the least. It’s a daily struggle to keep my marriage going, its hard when my husband has no faith in God. It’s been a struggle being able to keep our own house over my kids head. But I know God is there every step of the way. Thank you, for your words, your prayers. You have been a blessing..

    [Reply]

    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Tiffany w,

    I’m praying for you Tiff. I know it seems hard but try and focus on the promises of God and not so much the burden of your marriage. Continue to pray for your man because it is God that moves the hearts of men. Be Christ to your husband and hold on to God sweetie. <3

    [Reply]

  20. says

    Do you know what a blessing you are to me? I’ve been a wife for more than 22 years and a mother for a little over 21 years, and most of that time I’ve struggled with being a homemaker, simply because of control. I have many excuses, but it all adds up to my attitude. Thank you for your positive posts.

    [Reply]

  21. Dixie says

    I struggle daily trying to keep house. It is too easy to make excuses (working over fulltime, a 1 & 16 year old, outside obligations) and let thngs slide a few days and then everything is out of control. I am trying to find the proper balance between family time, work and cleaning.

    [Reply]

  22. says

    I feel that this message was totally meant for me to see it today. Thank You for letting GOD lead and direct your words so that others may receive the message they need so much.I have so many things going on in my life right now that I can barely breathe, please add me to your prayer journal. I know and speak to GOD every day, sometimes it feels like almost every few minutes…and I Thank HIM for all of HIS Blessings. I also know that it means a lot when others intercede on your behalf, so I thank you for praying for me.

    [Reply]

  23. Amy says

    Thank you for this blog, your words were very enlightening. I struggle daily with not being good enough at keeping house. Your words brought tears to my eyes and gave me understanding. I’ll be book marking this in case I get down on myself again. Thanks again! <3

    [Reply]

  24. Rachael says

    Thank you for sharing this post. It is an encouragement to me. I keep a clean house, but struggle with the tidy part (especially having a one year old!) Thank you for reminding me from where my identity truly comes!

    [Reply]

  25. Tiffiny says

    Could you add me to your prayer list?! As I was standing in my bedroom talking to God He allowed me to see what my heart looked like. Cluttered and out of control. Everything you said above made perfect sense. I want more than anything for my home to be a place that He dwells. Not a place where TRY to have control….but the realitt is I don’t. But them I feel like a failure. Thank you.
    Tiffiny

    [Reply]

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge