I Want To Trust Him More This Year

Let me just come out and say it…

I don’t trust God 100% of the time. If I were to rank my trust in Him on a scale of 0 to 100 my trust meter stays around the upper 80 to lower 90 ranges.

It’s not the way I want it to be, it just is what it is.

If you were to ask me am I sold out for Christ? I’d answer with an unequivocal – YES!!

I love the Lord and have invited Him to be ruler over my life

BUT…

There are still areas where I find myself trying to be the ruler.

The area where I see myself taking the most control is in my finances.

One day I’m signing “Jesus Take the Wheel” over my life and finances right along with Carrie Underwood, but when I see Jesus taking me down a path that I don’t want to go, I am quick to start questioning Him.

You know how wives start to question their husbands when they’ve driven past the same location three times but swear they are not lost.

For instance…over the last few months we have had some major emergencies that have caused us to have to replace several large appliances including our water heater, oven, dishwasher, dryer, fridge and now the washing machine.

We’ve had to pull up the carpet as a result of the broken washing machine flooding the lower level of our home and we’ve had to repair both of our vehicles within weeks of each other. None of these repairs or replacement has been under $200 which has caused me to question God.

We have an emergency fund which has thankfully covered the costs but it has not allowed us to get it fully funded by the deadline I’d set.

Now when I say that I’ve questioned God it is not a, “God are you there?” kind of questioning because there’s no doubt in my mind as to whether He’s there or not. It’s more of a,” God…do you know where you are going, because I don’t like this route?” kind of questioning.

In my conversations with God… I picture him dealing with me sort of’ like my husband does. The first time I question their ability to lead me they both sort of’ look at me as to say, “Saidah… have I ever gotten us lost?” Now if you know my husband… you’ll know that he drives for a living and he doesn’t get lost. No matter what city or state we are in…he just doesn’t get lost.

Now if you know God…no matter what situation or circumstance we are in, He never gets lost.

Yet I still question.

Now after several more times of finding myself in a predicament I don’t want to be in and several more times of asking God does He know what He’s doing, I think it’s time to take matters into my own hands because at this point even if I take the wheel and mess up it can’t get any worse than this – RIGHT?

Well you all know what happens when we take over. Things do get worse and often much worse. Then we come crawling back to God begging Him to take control of the situation and get us out of the ditch we’ve seemed to have fallen in.

So why do we do this?

We do it because we are afraid. Think about it. What are the areas in your life where you find that you just can’t give God complete control?

It’s often the areas where you stand to lose the most.

Years ago it was in the area of submission. I would say I was going to submit to my husband one day only to try and jump back on the throne as head of my home and my life. I was afraid to let it run its course. I didn’t want to accept the struggle that came with changing.

The same is true today in the area of my finances. I say I’m going to LET GO AND LET GOD, but I only let Him have his way when things are going good.

As soon as things get ugly and don’t work according to my plans I start questioning and reworking the plan to try and get things back on track.

For example, I’ve been working through the Total Money Make Over with my husband and we’ve mapped it all out according the worksheets and calculate that we should have had our 6 months of expenses fully funded by December 2011. Well with all of the emergencies last year, it didn’t happen.

And I’ve been asking God, “why not?”

Haven’t I tithed faithfully?

Haven’t I given to charities?

Haven’t I read my bible, did devotions and prayed as consistently as I was able?

I repented when I sinned.

I submitted to my husband.

I did all the right things? (I don’t know about y’all but I talk to God like He’s my daddy…because He is.)

So essentially, I am saying, Daddy…I did what you asked so why can’t I have what I want?

Do y’all want to know what He told me?

He said, “Because being debt free has become and idol for you. You want it more than you want me” and instantly, I knew He was right.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you worked at it regularly and thought about it daily? If not…keep living.

Why is being debt free so important to me? Why am I afraid to let God have control of that area of my life?

The answer is simple, because it’s the area where I stand to lose the most.

I fear losing the hopes and dreams I’ve attached to my finances.

I fear that I won’t have the money to send my kids to college.

I fear that I will not pay off my mortgage in less than 30 years.

I fear that I’ll never be able to visit the places me and my husband talk about traveling.

I fear I won’t be able to support the charities near to my heart.

I fear I won’t be able to take care of my parents and in-laws once they can no longer work.

I fear…

I fear…

I fear…

I fear failing.

But what if failing doesn’t mean the same to God as it does to me? I mean really, I felt like a complete failure because I didn’t get the emergency fund complete by December 2011.

But what if God doesn’t even care about that? What if all He cares about is that I stepped out on faith and believed that if I was faithful to Him that He’d be faithful to me?

Ahhh!!

Then the situations that prevented me from fully finding my Emergency Fund start to look different. They start to look less like hindrances to completing my financial goals and more like blessings.

When the stove broke down I couldn’t bake for my. With the new stove I can.

With the old broken dishwasher everything had to be hand washed which was more stress on me, but with the new dishwasher cleanup is easier.

With the old fridge the ice maker, water dispenser, shelves and drawers where not functional which was a burden. With the new fridge my husband can get ice and water for work and we have ample space to store or food properly.

Now I’m getting the point?

Each of the things that had to be replaced made our daily routines a bit harder. We had no problem using the broken items (I did complain from time to time according to my husband), but what if God heard my complaints too and wanted to bless me with new helpers (appliances)?

In 2011 we replaced every appliance in the house including the hot water heater because they stopped working. Instead of looking at having brand new appliances as a blessing I looked at it as a curse. After prayer and consideration my perspective changed. While I wasn’t able to meet my Emergency fund goal as I had planned but I was still able to increase it and replace all of my appliances.

It’s funny how my perspective changed when I stopped looking at things through my fearful eyes and started looking at them through the faithful eyes of my Father.

His view is always better than ours. He sits on high which gives Him a better perspective of our situations.

If you are facing a situation today and it feels like God is not concerned please let my experience remind you that He is. If you want someone to pray with you be sure to leave a comment below with your name or name and situation.

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