It’s time for my March ‘Blessing Report’ and I’m really excited about this month. I have had a major breakthrough in my faith this month so instead of sharing some of the blessing in my Blessing Journal, I’ll share a personal experience.
I’d been wrestling with The Lords desire to provide for me for years but during the first three months of 2012, my fight ended and I’ve been freed from that struggle.
While I struggled with whether The Lord would provide for me, I’ve always had faith that He would provide for others.
Do you get what I’m sayin’?
Does anyone else’s ever feel like other people are less sinful than you are so of course God would provide for them? I knew the Lord would provide for my husband and my children, just not for me?
According to me, I didn’t deserve to have my prayers answered. I had too many dirty little secrets and of course we all do, but I don’t know all of your dirty little secrets. I don’t know how you speak evil to your husband or yell at your children or cuss out someone who cuts you off in traffic. I don’t see your personal struggles but God sees mine. He sees me at my best and at my worst. He knows every evil, covetous; back biting, frustrating thought I have ever had.
He knows it all, which is why in all these years I could never grasp the fact that He would meet my needs. Ain’t that crazy?
I know the scripture.
I could teach you a lesson on grace and mercy all day long, but until this month I had not accepted it.
I had failed God too many times and there was no way that I could accept so great a gift as His provision. I couldn’t accept it knowing that it was not a matter of if I’d fall short of His standard but when.
How could I accept His grace and mercy if it was not a matter of if I’d mess up again but when?
I dreaded accepting Gods provision because I’d mediate on when would be the next time I find myself in that place where I’m telling God how sorry I am for messing up again? It wasn’t until I was reading through What Women Fear that I realized that meditating on my fear of God not providing for me and my fear of messing up again was in and of itself sinful.
I realized that doubting God was the same as when the spies doubted God’s ability to equip them to conquer the Promised Land. From that moment I stopped attaching my failings to Gods desire to provide.
He is my Father and a father provides for his children not based on what they do or don’t do, but because it’s his responsibility.
This was a long awaited blessing. Having this peace in knowing that My Father will meet all of my needs is such a blessing. I can’t put into words what this means to me but if you can relate to what I’ve shared and you are feeling like God doesn’t directly want to meet your needs I want to pray for you.
I want you to be free from the fear that the blood of Jesus was not good enough to cover your iniquities in the past, present and future. I want you to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when God answers you prayers and meets your needs that it is not contingent upon your parents, husband or children’s actions.
I want you to know that His goodness over your is not just an overflow of how He may be blessing others in your life. He is not giving you leftover blessings. The Lord is directly concerned with your needs and He directly meets them based upon your love for Him.
If this is something you are wrestling with pray diligently for change and don’t stop until The Lord this from your life.