5 Ways To Discipline Your Children Without Losing It

I visited the blog of a young mom the other day who had been struggling with her children. She had taken them to a birthday party where one of the children had acted out. The mom left the party and arrived home embarrassed and angry.

She was embarrassed because she believed that her children were not “those children”. She explained that those children are the ones that acted out in public. She believed that she had a handle on her kids. Unfortunately for her, this was the day that her children would make her a liar.

Immediately upon arriving home, the mom sent the children to their room and she ended up in her bathroom. She had retreated to the bathroom, which she referred to as her quiet place, to make a video blog. The topic of the blog was “discipline” and she talked about how she had struggled to cope with her child acting out in public.

Nearing the end of the video I could tell that mom was overwhelmed and emotionally drained, but before signing off, she grabbed a bottle of wine from outside of the cameras viewing area, put it to her lips and took a long swig. After which she winced at the taste and ended the video.

Being a mom of four children ages 18, 11, 9 and 7, I think that I have a little bit of experience in raising children so I’d like to offer a little bit of unsolicited advice to this mom on what to do when your children usurp your authority.

1- Pray for a sound mind because to entire goal of a rebellious child is to get their way by throwing you off track. A rebellious child can cause any parent to cave under the pressure of their persistent and aggressive behavior. Whether the rebellious child is 8 or 18, you as a parent must hold your ground.

2- Regain control of the situation by any means necessary. Children should always know who is in control. And that is you! Regaining control means that you are leading the situation on the direction that you see fit whether getting the child to cooperate by choice of by force.

3- Spank when appropriate. Spanking for me is a last resort. I prefer to reason with my children but I do understand that sometimes their young undeveloped minds cannot always comprehend sound reason, but everyone understands a spanking.

4- Be patient with your children’s immaturity. Children are not adults therefore; they are still learning how to deal with challenges. It is our job to remain in control while teaching them a proper way to vent their frustrations. If you are out of control, do not be a hypocrite and expect them to control them selves. Lead by example.

5- Don’t stoop to their level. This is important to you holding on to control of the situation. If they are yelling, you should not be. If they are not yelling, you should not be. One thing I have learned is that yelling is not good for mom or the children. If you are a habitual yeller, your children will soon learn to tune you out. Yelling raises your blood pressure, which leads to stress, headaches not to mention a sore throat. When you are in control of yourself and the situation, you will be able to speak firmly and in a neutral tone of voice.

Raising children is no easy feat, but it does not have to be a daily drudgery. God has given us children as a gift. If we raise them properly, they will bring us great joy in the process. For more parenting encouragement, be sure to read Ten Ways To Show Your Kids How Much You Love Them.

Comments

  1. Mama B says

    I understand. It’s hard to accept something that flies in the face of the punitive American evangelical mindset. Scary even. For me it was freeing and eye opening to learn a better way. Peace be with you and your children as they walk the path you’ve chosen.

    [Reply]

    Mama C Reply:

    @Mama B,

    Obviously mama A does not understand the correct way to spank. When done correctly, a child can understand why it was done and accept it. Communication, discipline, and then reassurance. In that order all in the same few minutes. I see this world spanking and disciplining less and you also see the world becoming less respectful toward one another mainly with the younger generation towards their elders or authority figures. Coincidence?. I think not. The younger generation has grown up without a fear of repercussions. I have 9 children and 10 grand children. I asked everyone of them and they agreed that growing up they knew if they were told something and they did not follow the rules, they knew they would be punished. There is a fine line between abuse and spanking though and I understand that you obviously don’t see that. The only difference between a well mannered kid an a GREAT mannered kid is that the great one was spanked properly. Not reasoned with. The ones that are reasoned with will grow up and try to reason out of everything instead of being a grown up and accept any consequences. They do not think of the consequences of their actions. They grew up havin to sit in a corner or something. All of those have their place together as discipline.

    As for as ur blog goes that you recommended, I think I will use my degrees in Hebrew, Greek and Latin to decide what the bible means. I have extensive study of the bible in their original language. That blog is full of uncertainty. If u are basing your opinions off of that blog, I pray that you and the rest of the ill-informed world find the truth in another way.

    [Reply]

  2. Mama B says

    I encourage you to read this blog, for starters. English is a poor language to translate the subtleties of ancient languages.
    samuelmartin.blogspot.com The “rod” is not an an actual stick, and children die every year from beatings. The word for “child” in Proverbs is not a young person. It’s an adult child, of the age to leave the home and marry. Do you hit your older teens? That’s what Proverbs “commands,” if you want to actually follow it and not cherry pick.

    Beyond that, Proverbs is not a book of law. It’s hyperbole. God does NOT call us to hit our children.

    Please read Mr. Martin’s blog before you reply to me again. I hope your eyes are opened. For the sake of your children.

    [Reply]

    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Mama B,

    I don’t read other blogs for understanding of the Bible. That’s what I have the Bible for. As I stated, we all are guardians of the children God gives us. I will raise mine as I am directed of God and my husband’s leadership and you are free to do the same with yours.

    Be blessed.

    [Reply]

  3. Mama B says

    I encourage you to look more deeply into what the bible says. There is nothing in there that refers to ever striking a young child for any reason. To “biblically spank” is to hit an adult child about the shoulders with a large staff or piece of wood.

    And while (hopefully) not physically injured, a child hit by a parent is emotionally injured. They just don’t have a way to express and deal with it, so it’s easier for the parents to ignore. It still leaves a mark. A much deeper one.

    [Reply]

    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Mama B,

    Mama B,

    Here are several Biblical verses regarding disciplining a child.

    Proverbs 23:13–14…Do not withhold ndiscipline from a child;if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will psave his soul from Sheol.

    Proverbs 29:15…The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

    Hebrews 12:11…For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

    No wise and loving parent will gain joy out of spanking their children but it is encouraged by God to be a method of discipline. Whether you use it or not is up to you. I encourage parenting with grace, mercy and understanding but foolishness is often bound up in the heart of a child. Sometimes reasoning with them does not bring about a change in behavior. In those cases parents can according to scripture discipline in the form of a spanking.

    In my home, whenever a spanking is administered it is done after talking with our children about their offense (sin). We point out the opportunities we provide for self correction. we spank for sins only and not just bad behavior. Bad behavior such as running around indoors just gets a talking to or punishment such as quiet time.

    We never spank out of anger and not for longer than the punishment warrants.

    While I don’t expect or desire to change your mind, I did want to share a glimpse of how I discipline according to Gods principles for spanking.

    I think each child is different. Some are more self disciplined than others. Fortunately for me, it’s rare that I have to spank my children. They are very well behaved and are striving to follow after God. 😀

    [Reply]

  4. Mama B says

    “but everyone understands a spanking.”

    That would be why it used to be acceptable, and even expected, for men to “discipline” their wives. Thank God society woke up to spousal abuse, eh? I hope it’s not long before parents wake up and stop using physical force to make their children obey too. Spanking is to parenting what spousal abuse was to marriage.

    [Reply]

    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Mama B,
    Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and can choose how they should discipline their children.

    I don’t condone spousal or child abuse 😀

    According the the Holy Bible, spanking is not to be used as a form of abuse but as a form of correction. The Bible goes as far to say that spankings can indeed change the rebellious heart of a child.

    I don’t make up the rules, I just follow what God has laid out in His word. I do advise parents to resort to the previously mentioned suggestion first before considering a spanking.

    A spanking done correctly will not kill a child and it should not be done with the intention of physically damaging them. Parents who exercise wisdom and love in the raising of their children never spank to injure.

    [Reply]

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