Sharing 6 ways toprotect your marriage from divorce is by far one of the most important pieces of advice I give to newlywed couples today. With such a high divorce rate in our country putting a plan in place to prevent it has to be part of the pre-marriage dialogue.
How to protect your marriage from divorce is not a topic I hear talked about by married couples however it’s one that’s very important especially with the high rate of divorces in the church and also in the U.S. as a whole.
Divorce proofing your Christian marriage will begin with the Bible. By using it as the foundation for our actions we can begin setting up boundaries that will ward off the destructive results of a divorce in your family.
Boundaries are meant to protect those behind the boundary and to keep those on the opposite side at a distance.
The main thing we want to keep outside if our marriage is sin. That’s often the hardest so we’ll start with the easier things.
6 Ways to Protect Your Marriage from Divorce
#1 – Divorce is Not and Option
A boundary that should be set up to protect your marriage from divorce is making a decision to remain married no matter what.
What if your husband cheats, or beats you?
These seem to be the primary reasons Christians and non Christian give for couples being able to divorce.
Many may say that the biblical “allowance” for divorce are fornication and an unbelieving spouse who divorces the believer, but there are NO exceptions according to God.
Matthew 19:8. “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts allowed you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so“.
How do talk about divorce not being and option with your husband?
You talk about it from God’s perspective.
If your husband does his best to follow the Bible he knows that he is accountable to God for his actions. By reading over scripture providing Gods will for marriage he will see that it’s not and option. If he loves and understands Gods purpose for marriage he will want to protect your marriage from divorce just as much as you do.
Entering a marriage until death do you part should be the first thing to iron out before saying “I do”.
If you are already married but are having and issue with a husband threatening divorce during times of trouble, be prayerful and communicate your feelings.
The threat of divorce can leave a spouse feeling fearful and unprotected in the marriage. It’s hard to truly plan for the future together when there is always the threat of divorce lingering under the surface of your marriage.
If you are engaged or contemplating marriage it’s a great time to begin the conversation on how to protect your marriage from divorce. Having a discussion about the covenant of marital vows is just as important as the discussions you’ll have about the weeding plans. The goal of the conversation is to know for sure that the person you are planning to marry is in it for the long haul (and by that I mean until death.)
Every marriage is going to experience hard times that will try the marriage bond. Satan hates marriage and his primary goal is to destroy marriages through divorce. That is why it’s so important to come up with marriage boundaries as a form of defense that can protect your marriage from divorce.
The plan should include the three primary parties in the marriage covenant which are;
Biblical marriage is three fold. It’s a commitment between us, our husband and God. It may be easier to break a vow to a spouse but for anyone who is committed to pleasing God should struggle with breaking their marriage vow.
I don’t think people think of it this way which is why there’s so many divorces.
People just walk away.
God has to be in the equation for it to last and the way we bring Him in the equation is to protect your marriage from divorce with Biblical truths.
#2 God First. Spouse Second.
So why is it important to put God first and spouse second? Ephesians 5 tells us the proper order of the family. God specifically gives us the design is for two reasons
first — He wants the family to imitate His Kingdom.
second — He gave us distinct roles specifically designed for our gender that will help our family operate at it’s strongest potential
When we structure our family in the way that God designed, it makes the structure and foundation of our marriage the strongest it can be. Having God as the head and final say in every decision we make, works to to protect your marriage from divorce.
When we see clearly the order of the family we will divert to God in all things. Putting God first makes both the husband and wife accountable to the same authority. It also gives them the same guidebook to operate out of for their marriage. That guidebook is the Bible.
Placing God first in the marriage will prevent the disappointment that comes when your spouse doesn’t live up to your expectations. When God is first, instead of becoming bitter you’ll demonstrate grace and forgiveness. Everything God says in His word about marriage is designed to to protect your marriage from divorce.
#3 Build Your Spouse
God the husband and the wife are the structure of the marriage
If we compared our marriage to a house, God would be the foundation on which it’s built. The wife would be beautiful decor. The husband would be the roof and frame of the home.
The husband protects and shelters.
The wife bring beauty and joy and comfort.
God makes sure everything stays intact.
These roles at times will be interchangeable between the husband and wife with the seasons of life. When children enter the family, mom will become more of a protector. She will still operate in her primary role of joy and comfort, however we will see more of her protector attributes during this season.
The husband will still operate as the primary protector of the family, so the children will have two lines of defense. He should be what stands between his wife and the struggles she may face personally. He should also be what stands between his wife and anything the world throws her way to harm her.
At the same time, the wife should be right there beside her husband building him up. That simply means standing with him and not against him. It means working with him to find solutions to problems that your household may face. That also means being kind and gentle with him by creating and environment of peace and trust.
One or many of the things you read today may be hard to swallow, however, if you do them you will increase your probability for a long lasting, God focused and joyus marriage.
These 6 things will increase your probability for a long lasting,God focused and joyus marriage.(TWEET THIS)
That’s why we need to build up out spouses. If we are the inside if the home, the same way we take care of beautifying the inside of our homes we must pay close attention to the care of the outside as well.
If we let the outside fall to pieces that inside will be worthless once it’s unprotected and exposed to the elements. The husband is there to take the brunt of the elements so the wife and children don’t have too.
We have a great deal of influence over our husbands and we can use it to make them better or worse. (TWEET THIS)
How do think satan wants you to use your power of influence over your husband?
How do think GOD wants you to use your power of influence over your husband?
The God honoring use of our influence is to build our husband up so that he can be strong enough to withstand the storms that will come against the family.
Building up husbands is important and it’s not conditional. It should become who you are and should be a direct result of your relationship with God. It takes time to get to the point where you can build your husband up regardless of his faults. Each time you do it in honor of God, it will get easier.
If building your husband up becomes conditional based on his behavior then you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
It should be done out of a willingness to serve and honor God.
#4 Be Each Others Accountability Partner
Early in our marriage, my husband and I agreed not to do anything in secret. Secrets are a foothold for satan.
If I am doing something I can’t tell my husband about, I am saying, “Satan, come on in!”
I hold myself accountable to my husband and he to me by keeping everything out in the open including finances, friendships, whereabouts and especially online activities.
This boundary removes any room for doubt and it builds up a trust that won’t easily crumble.
#5 Agree to Fight Well: Communication.
Couples must decide how to communicate in a way that builds and not destroys. Some people are “yellers” and some are “silencers” but both behaviors have the same result in the end.
The person who is being ignored is hurt and so is the person being yelled at. Couples really need to to an inventory of what their communication style is and figure out if it is God honoring or not.
If it’s not, it has to change
I thought arguing was normal. I really didn’t think the Bible had anything to say about it until after I began searching the topic.
My husband was fed up with my arguing and wanted a divorce. I couldn’t figure out what his problemn was since I’d grown up around yellers so I thought it was normal.
He’d grown up where his dad used silence as a weapon and I hated that method of communication. As Christians we have to learn to fight well.
This is the area that’s often difficult. Both husband and wives, because of their TONGUE, have destroyed their spouses emotionally. Not only that, they also destroy the trust in the relationship. Communication is a powerful weapon as you’ll soon read in my next eBook, Remove from Me This Venomous Tongue (Due out April 2013).
Fighting well means fighting for your marriage and not fighting against your spouse.
Fighting harder sometimes mean giving in on an issue as well.
#6 Build a Wall Around Your Husband
The final boundary that has been important to building a strong marriage.
Here’s what I mean…My husband is not perfect and has never been but he’s a much Godlier husband now than when we first met. We accepted Jesus together so we grew in maturity together as well. I’ve seen him at his worst and vice versa but even at his worst I didn’t make a habit of talking badly to others about him.
His character flaws were not up for conversation between me and family or with my girlfriends.
Putting your spouse’s flaws out in the public will tear him down and it will reflect badly on you as well.
What is one thing you wish you’d have known about marriage before you said “I Do”?