Why Don’t I Feel Loved?

distant husband

distant husband

What if I told you that you no longer had to get upset with your husband when he doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved?

This used to be a big issue for me. I’d have a head full of ideas about what my husband needed to do to make me feel loved. The list went on for days.

In fact, when I’d complain about not feeling loved, he’d tell me to tell him what he needed to do to make me feel loved. I’d give him a list of whatever it was he needed to do that week and he’d try his best to do them.

A week or two later, I’d come back to him complaining that I did not feel loved.

And again, I’d give him a list of things he could do to make me feel loved.

He’d try his best to do what was on the new list but a week or two later, I’d come back complaining that I didn’t feel loved.

By this time, he’d point out that he’d been doing everything I’d asked him to do since our last conversation and I’d reply, “but you’re not doing the stuff from the first conversation”. đŸ™‚

I was a hard woman to please and was being pretty selfish in my expectations of love.

In every situation we face we must invite God into the equation. Things as simple as creating weekly menus and as impactful as the love displayed between a husband and wife must include God in order for it to perform at its peak potential.

I found myself in a cycle of frustration with my husband because he was not meeting my expectation of romance. Any time I find myself becoming frustrated with someone I step back and start digging to uncover the motive.

When I am fully vested in Gods plan for my life there is no need for me to be angry or frustrated. I believe there are no permanent sorrow attached to Gods blessings. (Proverbs 10:22)

The sorrow comes when I am coveting something that is outside of God’s will.

If I am upset with my husband for not being romantic and making me feel loved, I am setting my affections on romance instead of on serving God.

In fact I’d go as far as to say that my heart is set on a command given to my husband.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25

I can expect to be loved but I must  not allow myself to become bitter, frustrated or disappointed if (I don’t feel) my husband is obeying Ephesians 5:25.

If I do…I am sinning.

Feelings are fleeting and as read earlier can change from week to week. Gods love is consistent and it never changes.

I realized I was using my feelings as a measuring stick for my success or failure to show me love. Using my feelings kept him at a disadvantage and it wasn’t fair to him.

When I began setting my focus on God he opened my eyes to see what his idea of love was. I began to truly see the little and big things my husband was doing daily to show he loved me.

I stopped being selfish and stopped taking his efforts for granted.

If you find yourself stuck in an emotional cycle of he loves me, he loves me not I want to pray for you. God wants to come alive to what true love is and isn’t. He wants to settle in your heart and mind once and for all your sense of value as a woman of God.

If you’d like me to pray for your marriage I’d be delighted. My goal is to help you build a strong marriage with God as your foundation.

Filed under: Faith, Proverbs Wife

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