The 4 Most Important Things I Did to Save My Marriage

If there’s one thing I want you to know about me is that I care deeply. What I mean is this…I have a gift of sharing peoples emotion.

The 4 Most Important Things I Did to Save My Marriage - AProverbsWife.com

When someone rejoices…I tend to rejoice with them as if their victory is mine as well but when someone is mourning a lose I am also touched deeply by their loss (Romans 12:15).

I want you to know that I am saddened when I see marriages struggling. I am saddened when I see couples fight each other and not Satan, their true adversary.

I remember when Germaine and I were in our rough patch. It was about seven years into our marriage and we were tired of arguing, threatening divorce and just plain acting a fool.

I was tired.

He was tired and the truth of the matter is we probably both wanted to call it quits but you know what changed?

1. I stopped trying to fix him and at the same time I asked him to stop trying to fix me. I asked him to instead do the following. (Proverbs 21:1-2)

  • Make sure what you want me to change lines up with the Bible and it’s not just something you want me to change because you’d prefer it.

  • Tell me that this is what God expects of me and then don’t badger me about it.

  • Pray for me to grow in that area because sometimes I am not there yet but I want to be there.

  • Be patient with the process. I didn’t get like this overnight so I probably won’t change overnight.

2. I stopped believing that I was perfect or closer to being perfect than he was. (Romans 3:23)

  • Thinking like this was setting us up for failure. A husband and wife are supposed to be one so if my husband was lacking in an area then so was I. We weren’t whole until the both of us were whole. Instead of feeling superior to him in areas I began to empathize and see how I could use my talents to make him better.

3. I owned up to what I was doing personally to destroy the marriage. (James 4)

4. I forgave all the hurtful words and actions and then made a commitment to fight for my marriage. (1 Corinthians 13:4-13)

  • You are not moving forward in your marriage until you do this…so don’t fool yourself.

We’d both had it up to HERE with fighting one another so we decided to fight for our marriage instead.

Since making that decision our marriage has never been the same. It took time to come full circle but every day I spend with my husband is better than the last.

I look forward to being with him, serving him and being his wife.

So are you going to fight for your marriage? What do you struggle most to give up control over in your marriage?

 

Comments

  1. says

    This is great advise. A marriage that is bibically based is a strong one indeed. It reminds me of when we were newleweds. That was one tough year. It got better knowing that we weren’t supposed to change each other, but pray for each other.

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  2. Michelle says

    Thanks for this great advice. I’m currently struggling in my marriage due to infidelity and just don’t know how to go on, how to cope.

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  3. Mary says

    This is useful advice! I think every couple thinking of getting married should read these words first. My husband and I have been together almost 15 years! There were definitely rough patches, but now I look back and realize most of it was due to some perceived attack on what I wanted. I know now that my own hard-headedness thinking that he was the one who needed to change really kept us from enjoying our marriage. Learning to accept responsibility for my own part in the troubles was particularly humbling! Sometimes I need to remind myself that selfishness is root of all problems. It’s hard not to center on my own wants and needs and to remember that he has his own wants and needs that are just as valid as mine. I have a great godly husband and am thankful for him!

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  4. says

    Wow, great advice. Looking at it from a husband’s point of view it all rings true. A marriage based on Biblical principals is solid…too many marriages end today because you have two individuals who want what they want…not what God wants and not what’s best for the marriage.

    Great post…you have a new fan.

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    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    Well said @Ben!

    [Reply]

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