How to Mend Your Marriage with Words

Build Your Man Up

Do you find it difficult to find the good in your husband?

Does he no longer resemble that awesome man you once loved so deeply?

I can recall very clearly a time when Germaine and I were drifting apart. Some of it had to do with us being a young family with four children and lots of responsibilities.

However, some of it had to do with us as individuals and how we communicated with one another.

The Bible tells us that “life and death are in the power of the tongue” and what that simply means is that you can you can cause a person to thrive or die with your words.

When I realized the influence my words had over my husband I decided to use them for God and one day sat down and began contemplating how I could build my husband up with my words each day.

Each day I’d make a point to celebrate him in some small way. If I remember correctly, he may have been a little skeptical at first but with time I began to see my words bring a smile to his face.

I began to see him want to be around me more and more. When my words became as sweet as honey rather than as sharp as daggers, he began to become the man I’d fallen in love with.

In fact, I’d say that I was becoming the women he’d fallen in love with.

It’s so easy to become cynical, condescending and critical in marriage but that’s not the way God intends for His sons and daughters to live.

He gave a perfect example of oneness in Him, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Instead of being at odds with your husband why don’t you make a choice.

Choose to build him up.

Choose to be Godly in what you say and do for him. It’s hard, especially if your heart is growing colder toward him, but I can testify that God can take a broken and bitter heart and make it love again.

What was it that stood out or attracted you to your husband when you were dating?

Comments

  1. Amanda Cruz says

    Weekend giveaway!? After I first met my husband, I told my friend (his sister in law) that he was handsome, nice, but he walked like a duck. Honestly, lol!! He was different from all the other guys I had met. A bit on the ban boy side, but the biggest heart. We will be having our 10 year anniversary in July. It hasn’t been easy. Like every marriage, we have had our ups and downs. I continue to thank God for keeping His hand over our marriage and family.

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  2. Lora Chastain says

    I pray daily to see my husband as God sees him. Also it helps to always remember that I too am not perfect and if I want to see change in my husband then I need to start with me.

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  3. Amanda says

    Weekend giveaway? 🙂 my husbands true “southern gentleman” personality drew me to him over 8 years ago. He still opens doors for me and holds my hand when we are out. We were/are best friends, and have been married for 4 years now!

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  4. Kathy says

    To be honest I can’t remember what drew me to him. We’ve been married for 12 yrs. In these 12 yrs we’ve faced so many obstecles and we have learned to coexist. He doesn’t have a problem letting me know all that is wrong with me. And I have guarded myself and have gotten really good at lashing out. I remember being happy “before” him. No one to tell me how to act, what to say and pointing out my faults. I don’t think I measure up to what or how I should be as a wife or human being. I remember early on him telling be I became someone when he married me. I heard a sermon by John Piper the other day that marriage is not about love but about a covenant. So I will hold onto our covenant
    By the way I appreciate what you post
    Thank you

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  5. says

    I totally agree and would add one small, well maybe not so small, thing. In addition to the words is the tone of voice.

    Something that really helped my husband and me was to begin to understand the concept of contempt. My bent was toward self-contempt; his was toward other-centered contempt. If he spoke to me in a tone that felt contemptuous (which often he did not realize he was doing), I felt pushed back and belittled.

    As we have become aware of how important tone of voice is in our communication, our marriage has flourished.

    Thank you for the good article.

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    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    Thanks so much for including this comment @Sharon. This is something I’ve had to work on in regard to me own tone and how I perceived my husbands. 🙂

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  6. kellie says

    Great! Thank you, can you give some more practical ways of implementing this? I am really struggling in this area, and have been praying for God to show me and then you wrote this! Thank you!

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    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    Hi @kellie. I have a lot of previous articles on taming the tongue as well as those realted to ways to build the marriage. You should start by checking out the articles in the “marriage” section of the blog. You can always access it by placing your cursor over the “Homemkaing” tab at the top of the blog and then scrolling down to “marriage” or “Biblical Living”. Here is the link too: http://aproverbswife.com/tag/marriage

    I hope this helps and I will keep you lifted up in prayer.

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