Are you in your pajamas? If so, go to the nearest full length mirror in your house and look at yourself for a moment. If your pajamas could talk, and had to describe your mood, what would they be saying to you? Now, ask yourself, what would they be saying to your husband?
I started thinking about this when I began working on becoming the women of my husband dreams again. Over the years, my heart toward him had changed and his toward me as well. Arguments, being young parents, long work hours, debt and sleepless nights can turn a loving couple into enemies. I refused to spend the rest of my marriage not completely head over heels for my husband.
I wanted to feel that romantic-erotic love that I’d felt for him in the beginning. I wanted to want him bad. I wanted to burn with desire for him, but that sort of fizzled out a few years into the marriage.
Part of it was because I’d changed. Life got busy and I started putting myself and my needs on the back burner for my husband but especially my kids. When they were little all of my time went to them. There was no time for weekly manicures and styling my hair went from daily to once a week. I was looking a hot mess….at home.
But when I had to go out, it was showtime. I’d pick out my nicest outfit, apply my makeup and fix my hair. There was no way I’d ever leave the house looking how I looked at home.
At some point I realized I wanted to be cute again even, but especially, at home. Once my children were all school age, I knew it was a good time to start being my husbands wife again and letting the kids be more independent.
I was reading Song of Solomon the other night and it got me to thinking about the topic of intimacy between and husband and a wife. It left me reflecting on how great it is that God would give us something so delightful to share with our husbands.
Now don’t get me wrong, after giving birth to my three youngest children within a four year span, sex was the last thing I wanted. I was overwhelmed with being at home full-time and raising four children, three of which weren’t school age.
At about twenty eight years old, I’d given up on looking and feeling attractive, but then this happened.
It not only made me feel attractive again, but it restored my desire to be intimate.
Am I the only one who fell into the rut of not taking care of themselves like they did before getting married?
It happened so subtly and for the right reasons. Of course, my husband wanted me to devote my time and energy to our young children, but once the kids got a little older, I never went back to taking care of my appearance like I’d done when we’d met.
I didn’t realize, how I was caring for myself physically was affecting me negatively, but it was also sending a message to my husband. Most times that message was;
Don’t touch me.
I’m not in the mood.
I have a headache.
Are you serious?!?
I’ll say this again, don’t touch me.
Not caring for myself was making me bitter because I felt I had no time for myself. It was making me feel unattractive because I wasn’t taking care of myself. And it made me reject my husband because I thought he felt the same way about me as I was starting to feel about myself.
When Germaine and I sat down and talked about this, we came up with a plan to allow me time for pampering, exercise and to buy some nicer clothes.
Over time, I began to feel like a wife again and not just a mom. I started to feel more attractive and that began to show up on the outside. It showed in my appearance, my attire and my attitude toward my husband.
When he’d tell me I looked beautiful, now I could believe it. No longer did I see a maid, milk station, nurse, chauffeur, teacher and the many other roles I play as a mom. I once again saw the woman I was when I was courting my husband. I was attractive again and it showed.
So when you look in the mirror are you happy with what you see? Are your pajamas telling your husband, “I want you and I love you”, or are they saying, “get lost?”
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