In my marriage speaking, motivated by love has been the difference between an argument and a solution. Speaking from a position of love rather than knowledge has been the difference between building my marriage up and tearing it down. I’m a know-it-all by nature, but unchecked it can lead to saying things that are true but don’t need to be said. Speaking what I know and speaking from a position of love are two different things.
When dealing with our husbands on issues, being knowledgeable on a subject plus being angry can lead to having the wrong attitude in a conversation. Knowledge mixed with anger can lead us to speak in a condescending tone. If our goal in conversations with our spouse is to win the argument, being more informed about the topic can lead us to being pompous, prideful, arrogant, overbearing and selfish. In Christian marriage, our motive in conversations with our spouses should never be to win an argument.
I jokingly posted an image on my Facebook page recently demonstrating how to win an argument with your spouse, but in all seriousness, our goal should be never to argue with our spouse.
I read a quote a few weeks ago which said, “a couple who doesn’t argue is a couple with many secrets”. I couldn’t disagree more.
According to God’s plan for marriage, there shouldn’t be any discord between a husband and wife.
Is it okay to disagree? Yes. Germaine and I have disagreements from time to time. We don’t see eye to eye initially, we talk it out and come to a resolution.
The discord, I’m referring to is full on shouting matches, silent treatment and any other instances that result in anger.
I could write a book on arguing, in fact I did. Arguing used to be a weekly if not a daily occurrence for us until I begin to make the changes I share about in my book.
A marriage without arguments is possible.
That includes silent arguments. People tell me all the time about how they don’t yell and cuss, yet they give one another the silent treatment for days at a time. There are many forms of arguing.
My goal is peace with my husband. I want to be on the same page with him and going in the same direction.
To do that I’ve learned it takes love. It’s going to take more than shallow Valentine’s Day to get the results I’m talking about. It’s going to take God’s type of love. The love Jesus demonstrated toward us. It will take the love God describes in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Do you want a marriage like no one else’s? I’m not pressing toward a marriage where the arguments are the norm because all arguments do is take our focus off of God. No, ma’am, I’m pressing toward a marriage where everyday we are edifying one another in the glory of God.
Who’s ready to redefine the atmosphere of their marriage?
If you’re ready I want to add you to my prayer list. Leave a comment below proclaiming an argument free marriage. Let me know what you are planning to do differently this week to decrease arguments in your marriage.
Father, I believe in argument free marriages. Your word says that You are not the author of confusion and I believe that. I believe discord, envy and all feelings of bitterness are from the devil. Father, help us to be transformed by Your word.
Help us to communicate with our spouses from a position of love. Thank you Father for giving me the courage to write about my struggle with an argumentative communication style. I pray you give APW readers the courage to do marriage the way that You designed.
Thank You in advance for changed marriages and the impact it has on us, future generations and those around us.
In the mighty name of Jesus.
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