Has anyone ever had a marriage that needed saving? I know that I most certainly did. We were maybe seven years into our marriage and were thinking of calling it quits. We were both tired of the arguing and disagreements.
We were tired of trying and felt like we weren’t cut out to be Christians. I didn’t know it then, but we were going through a refining process. Shortly before all of the arguing came to a head, we’d both decided to fight for our marriage or call it quits.
Looking back, I realize that’s when the devil really began attacking our marriage.
I know for certain that my marriage serves a purpose that not only touches my life in a positive way, but the lives of those who read this blog and who know my husband and I offline.
Every blog post I’ve written here on the web and every conversation we’ve had face to face with other couples, sows a seed of hope. Today I will hopefully do just that if you are in a marriage that’s falling apart.
We have been where you are and here’s how we saved our marriage.
1. Accept that you are not in control of others or the situation.
As soon as you accept that you are not in control of the outcome the better. Trying to control the outcome of your marriage oftentimes means you’re trying to control your spouse. In saving your marriage you must be willing to give it up and that starts with giving up control over what you can’t control.
What you can control is your self. When your marriage is failing, you must compare your actions and character in the marriage with those found throughout the Bible. If you have been doing anything that in these two areas that doesn’t mirror Christ, take responsibility and begin doing better.
While you can’t control situations, you can affect the outcome.
2. Fight the urge to live as roommates.
Christ followers living under the Biblical principles of marriage are commanded to dwell together as one according to the book of Genesis.
When pull away from one another due to difficulties in the marriage we become weaker. We are no longer allies who are working together against the enemy. Prayer becomes weaker and so so our plans for a successful marriage.
Instead of pulling away, my husband and I decided to fight and remain as one. We prayed together even when it meant repenting together after arguing. We prayed together even when it meant admitting our weaknesses, fears and anger triggers before God and one another.
You must remember it’s not your husband you are fighting.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
3. Press closer to God.
When we struggle in marriage we may feel like failures as believers. I know I did. I couldn’t understand how I loved God so much, but was failing so miserably at marriage.
I later realized that I wasn’t necessarily failing as much as I was going through a transformation. With each setback I’d be ashamed to talk to God, but that’s just what Satan wants us to do when we are caught in sin.
He wants us to hide from God and the truth that can only be revealed in His presence. In Gods presence I could see clearly where my actions, thoughts or character was wrong. Pressing closer to God helps us heal and become better. We can not avoid this part of the process if we want to save our marriage.
4. Do what is right in the sight of God.
As God reveals your faults it’s up to you to accept them or not. Those of us truly walking with the King will sense conviction when we are in the wrong. It will be revealed to us in quiet time spent alone with God.
How we respond to that conviction will help determine the outcome of our marriage. When we are wrong and we ask forgiveness from our spouse, we open the door for reconciliation.
When we are right and don’t use it as a tool to attack our spouse, we create opportunities for trust and growth. When our spouses see that we don’t use our power to attack them, they have a space to become vulnerable which is what will ultimately save our marriages.
When we make ourselves vulnerable before God and our spouses, we can more clearly see the best action for very situation.
Watch the live video chat I recorded which shares more insight on this topic.
If you would like to receive prayer, please leave a comment below and we will pray over it. Also, please share your experiences or comments because we are all women of prayer and can encourage one another.
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