There is no magic pill we can take to ensure everything goes right in our day. In fact, things will probably go wrong just because we want them to go right. We can’t control every part of our day, but what we can control is us.
We get to decide how we respond to every situation that comes our way and God has equipped us with everything we need to handle those situations.
Just this morning I struggled with telling my husband something I wanted to do. I knew he wouldn’t agree with it so I avoided bringing it up. I didn’t want him to be frustrated and I didn’t want to become frustrated, but it was time to get it out in the open.
Before brining up the conversation I knew had the potential of escalating I declared a few things.
4 Ways to Discuss a Hot Topic Without Arguing
1. I refused to feel like my views were not valid.
Before bringing up the subject I knew my husband would make some valid points as to why he thought differently than I did. Sometime when we don’t see things the exact same way we can get frustrated.
Sometimes he’ll concede and at other times I’ll concede. We both believe that other has our best interest at heart and sometimes we don’t see what they see in a situation. In those times we must decide whether to hold onto our point of view or give it up for the benefit of the marriage. For us it’s not just about what will be a win for us as individuals. It’s about what will be a win for the marriage. This often makes holding on to views when it may stir up conflict hard.
This time however, I committed to this particular view and so as he explained his point of view I refused to listen the small voice in my head whispering, “your views aren’t important”.
2. I refused to push the point.
Sometimes when we keep stating our point like agitating the situation. One thing that works well for me is stating my point and leaving it there. In other words, I reject the idea that I have convince or sway my husband over to my point of view. When you feel like you have to convince someone and they won’t be swayed, it can get frustrating. I think it’s way more affective to explain your point from a Biblical standpoint and then leave it alone. It’s not my job to change my husband mind or his heart.
Proverbs 21:1 says, “The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will”.
This verse goes for myself and my husband. We are both prayerful and sensitive to God’s will so in the end we will come together to glorify God.
3. I refused to believe my decision was 100% correct.
Proverbs 21:1 says, “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts”.
In my decisions I always make space for God. I pray over (just about everything I do) and ask God to show me the right decision. The thing about the answers God gives is that they aren’t always crystal clear. There are times when He reveals just enough in my quiet time, Bible study, through wise counsel and other methods for me to be about 80% certain of His will. Then there are the times when I totally miss God and fabricate enough to convince myself something I want to do is okay. I’m not talking about sinful acts just things you want to do like buying a high ticket time before being debt free.
4. I refused to argue.
Now this one is huge. A lot of time when couples don’t see things the same it can result in and argument. Before I ever started the conversation I focused on points 1-3 and prayed while my husband talked versus thinking of how I could better convince him. You know what…these stapes worked.
We ended the conversation having both shared our point of views. I was glad we talked about it, came up with a solution, even though we didn’t agree, that supported both of our views and ultimately served to strengthen our family.
I share all of this to tell you that you aren’t alone. Every marriage has it’s struggles and I’m here to help you through them by sharing my experiences mixed with practical Biblical advice. I want to encourage you that Gods plan for you works if you use it. To help you offline, I have two of my most recommended resources on sale for you this week.
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How can I pray for you this week?
Before you go I want to celebrate your marriage. Share a marriage victory from this month in the comments below.