Marriage 101: Financial Tension

Faith and finance seem to be an issue that runs very deeply within many marriages. What is it that causes so much strife when it comes to husbands and wives dealing with finances?

The biggest thing that I find to be a factor of discord between husbands, wives and finance, is that everyone wants to be in control. There can only be one leader of a household. The home should not have to heads. The husband is the head of the wife. Once we can get on one accord with that biblical fact we can get a handle on the strife that comes with dealing with finances.

Money decisions don’t always have to end in an argument. If we let go of our fears and hang ups about money we will begin to experience a relationship with our spouses like never before.

And they shall be one flesh.

Early on in my marriage I decided that I wasn’t going to allow a man to rule me, and the only way to keep this from happening was to make my own money. This way of thinking led to many problems within my marriage especially when I became a stay at home wife. This way of thinking played on my insecurities and prevented me becoming one with my husband.

I felt that without an income I had no say; no power. But that was so far from the truth. I had set up a false ideal as an idol in my life which was leading me to distrust the word of God. When I began to look at my husband the way that God looked at us; as one, then I slowly began to no longer feel the need to have my own bank account and income. I began to allow my husband to provide for me the way that God had intended. My husband didn’t get it right in the beginning either but day by day we began to trust each other. I began to trust that God would enable my husband to provide for our family and in turn my husband began to believe that God would equip him to meet the financial needs of our family.

When a woman doesn’t highly esteem her husband she crushes his hopes. She shows him her lack of faith by going to her parents every time that they are in a financial jam. She also does this by down talking and shining a light on his financial shortcoming in front of his children or their friends. Instead of showing up his shortcomings encourage him to depend on God. Encourage him to search the word to see if he is missing something in the financial stewardship of his money.

He should ask himself “Am I paying tithes and offering consistently; or am I robbing God? Am I spending more than I make? Am I saving any money?” As the wife you need to be asking some questions as well. Are you saving in the kitchen by not wasting food and by cooking at home to cut back on expenses?

Are you doing your part?

The husband and wife are one flesh and must operate as such. The husband can’t make the money outside of the house and have the wife waste it in the kitchen. Nor can the husband make bad financial decisions concerning the family. He must demonstrate that he can be trusted to make sound financial decisions, but ladies regardless to whether he does or doesn’t you are to still submit to him by the word of God.

Your submission is not based upon his performance.

Each spouse needs to be on one accord but that doesn’t mean that they will always see eye to eye. When they don’t the wife must leave the final say up to her husband and place her trust in God. If we put our faith in God and not in man, jobs or bank accounts this will get us one step closer to creating harmony in the household when dealing with the issue of finances in marriage.

DEBT

“The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing. But in our culture we apply for a curse and reject blessings. Something is wrong with this picture.” ~Doug Phillips

Raising children is hard, but so is getting out of debt. Fortunately, for me, I learned early on about the curse that debt brings. Debt kept me from being able to give the way that I truly wanted. It robbed me of the luxury of spending time with my family the way that I wanted. Whenever we have debts we are not able to live the lives that God has planned for us.

It is the lust of our flesh that leads us into debt. We must learn to bring ourselves under the submission of the Lord. The way that we do this is by using the bible as a filter for every decision. Let’s see what the bible tells us concerning borrowing?

” The rich shall rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender” Proverbs 22:7.

It is not God’s plan that we be servant to anyone but Him.

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money” Matthew 6:24.

If the lender’s money is our master we are then under his control and how then can we fully serve God with our money?

God declared to the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 15:6 that they would ” lend to many nations but will borrow from none.” Could it be that God had a more excellent way for his people?

Debt can lead a person to resent their children or to look at them as a burden. Especially if one has taught their children how to have an insatiable lust for things. We must learn to be satisfied, so that we can show our children how to be satisfied, and then we can begin the process of desiring the true gifts of God which are the children that He has blessed us with.

“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his his reward” Psalm 127:3.

The bible tells us that children are a heritage of the Lord. And oh, what a great inheritance they are. We must not “be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds, that we may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” Romans 12:2.

Reject the temptation to obtain everything that your heart and pocketbook desires. Learn to be content with what you have. Desire the greater gifts which are the eternal through Christ Jesus.