Pure Intimacy & Why It’s Good For Us

Intimacy Is Good For Us

Friend #1: How often do you and your husband have sex?

Friend #2: SEX?….Oh no, we’re married.

Just a few weeks ago a survey was taken which posed this question to a panel of married women, “If given the option to go shopping spree at the mall or have sex which would you choose?” It was reported that 98% of the women chose the shopping spree.

I thought this was funny so I decided to turn the tables. When my husband came in from work I said to him in the most serious tone that I could muster.

“Honey, if you had the choice to go to a Super bowl game or have sex (with me of course) which would you choose?” He said “Are the tickets FREE?” I told him that they were. He grinned, then slightly shrugged his shoulders and said “I’d have to choose the Super bowl. We can have sex anytime. The Super bowl is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

Many husbands and wives are, for whatever reason, denying themselves of a very significant benefit of marriage…SEX. There was a time when I would purposefully withhold myself from my husband.

I am not talking about a hectic week where I am so tired I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I am referring to making a conscience decision not to allow him to touch me.

I would justify my actions by telling myself that I was angry, tired, or frustrated. Some days it would be a headache…others a stomachache or backache.

Regardless of the excuse I didn’t realize that it wasn’t just sex that I was denying myself.

Sex is a natural stress reliever. It provides the same deep, relaxed type of breathing that you achieve during Yoga or Pilates. This breathing relaxes your body, oxygenates your blood and reduces the stress you feel.

Massaging before or during sex can be a great stress reliever as well. We need touch for our emotional health. Studies show that babies who are not touched enough can fail to thrive, and touch continues to be important into adulthood. So if you find that you are unmotivated try incorporating more time for touching before and during sex.

Depending on your level of enthusiasm, you can burn a lot of calories during sex, and receive the weight management benefits of exercise as well. Most of us when we are under stress allow the sex life to fall by the wayside, when in fact it should be one of the first things that we do when plagued with stress.

So instead of denying myself the natural stress reliever that God has given me I am going to begin to incorporate more sex into my marriage this year.

Who Can Find A Virtuous Women?

I have been commissioned to apply the following principles to my life. They can be found Proverbs 31:10-31. I at times struggle with each of the following principles.

There are times when sleep is more alluring than rising, while it is still dark. And rebellion seems to be a much sweeter temptation, when I disagree with my husbands decisions. But I have decided to surrender to the will of God. I have chosen to be obedient to my calling as a women, wife and mother. Below are the standards that I use as a measuring stick for a life of Godly excellence.

Proverbs 31:10-31

The virtuous women…

v 10- is priceless

v 11- encourages and helps her husband increase and prosper financially

v 12- treats her husband good everyday

v 13- purchases and cares for the families clothes (washing, mending, ironing, etc.)

v 14- shops for, plans and prepares meals

v 15- is up before the sun preparing meals for her husband, children and housekeepers

v 16- is an investor, who after careful consideration makes wise purchases

v 17- is physically fit and strong

v 18- is confident of what she has to offer. She prepares, plans ahead and is organized in her tasks or responsibilities

v 19- is crafty and able to make useful things at home

v 20- is a giver

v 21- is confident that the salvation in Jesus Christ covers the members of her household

v 22- knows that her clothing is more than outward apparel. It is an outward display of femininity and royalty

v 23- is married to a honorable and respectable man

v 24- she is also crafty and talented enough at her craft to earn a profit for her work

v 25- chooses modest clothing and knows that her clothing represents more than just earthly garments but is also an outward expression of her strength and honor

v 26- speaks with wisdom and kindness

v 27- supervises and manages her household and is not lazy

v 28- knows that she is virtuous because her children and husband verbally praise her

v 29- gives her best by surrendering to the will of God

v 30- puts her faith in God and not in fleshly beauty and charm

v 31- is given authority over her responsibilities, and receives joy from doing them


I recently read a blog called “Submission” (this article is no longer available online), and the writer hit the nail right on the head. Supportive scripture’s were used, in context, when referring to the wife’s role of authority in the family. It seems as though many women struggle with the idea of submitting to their husbands. I, myself have also struggled with this very issue. Years ago I refused to submit to my husband, and the state of my marriage was a testimony to my rebellion. I was not happily married, nor was I modeling the Titus 2:4-5 women as an example for my daughters.

Once I made a commitment to surrender, my life changed. Daily the Holy Spirit worked in me, making me humble and obedient. On my journey to submission I learned that, not only had I refused to submit to my husband, I wasn’t submitting God either. My refusal to submit was a direct result of my relationship with God. I did not trust that God or my husband had my best interest in mind. I believed that they were out to hurt me. By surrendering I became a better wife and mother. Surrendering to God’s idea of a wife, allowed my husband to become a better husband. I allowed him to freely operate in his role as head of the family. I began to trust his decisions, which in turn made him trust God even more. Submitting has allowed my husband to demonstrate, to me, his ability to hear from God and lead our family.

My husband has rarely abused his authority, as I had feared that he would. His decisions demonstrate to me that he truly loves me as he loves himself. The time that I wasted rebelling only nurtured my fears. The decision to submit was accomplished by God and has increased my faith.