Letting Him Lead

As a full time wife and mother at home you may handle a large part, if not all, of the scheduling of your families daily activities.

Planning and organizing are skills that may come naturally to you. They are skills that have probably allowed you to be a blessing and valuable asset to your husband and family.

At the same time the things that are a blessing can also become a curse if abused. In pursuit of keeping things organized you may be putting an unnecessary strain on yourself, your husband and your children.

You may have become so accustomed to scheduling that you have everyday of the week scheduled. You may have an set expectation of how each day should run and this works probably works fine for when just you and the children are home, but does it work well when husband is home?

If not, maybe hubby has a different expectation for the day than you do. If you have never given him the space to guide the day when he is home he may be feeling frustrated.

Our natural desire to lead can sometimes cause us to do more than what is necessary. When hubby is at home allow him to takeover the reins. Use this time to sit back, relax and follow his lead.

Learn from him. Observe how he handles discipline, bedtimes, sibling squabbles and stress. Watching him interact with and lead the family can be a source of relaxation and restoration for you. It can also equip you with alternative methods for caring for the home and the children when he is away at work.

We can easily be tempted to succumb to our desire to be in control. This lust for control can rob us of our joy and our peace.

Instead of allowing our husbands to lead the family when he is home we run around trying to attend to every matter as if he weren’t there. Let us humble ourselves as we watch in admiration as our husbands lead the family.

Rejoice and use this time to restore yourself and to enjoy watching him lead.

How Do I Submit To my Husbands Financial Leadership?

How to Submit to Your Husbands Financial Leadership

When I first gave my life to Christ, I had a pastor who would preach often regarding satan’s attitude towards the family. My former pastor showed me through the use of scripture how much satan hates the family structure and all that it represents.

With that being said, I have used this very same knowledge to aid me in the process of keeping my family together during trying times.

Many of us have or will experience rough spots in our marriage and parenting relationships. What I would like to focus in on is, how do we respond in these times of trouble?

The trouble that am specifically referring to is financial trouble. These are the troubles that most often lead to divorce. My husband and I have had our share of financial challenges throughout our marriage, some of which have led to discussions of divorce.

But what is it that has kept our marriage together during the financial strain?

1. I didn’t blame my husband for our financial troubles.

Instead of blaming him I conditioned myself to encourage him. I’d tell him that we will make it through this. I reminded him that we’ve been here before and God has provided then and He will provide now.

ReadHow to Have a Peaceful Financial Meeting

This strengthened his faith in God and his love for me. We helped each other believe through tough times, which avoided divorce and helped us to live in peace.

1 Corinthians 7:13-15

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

Build Your Man Up

2. I prayed for a surrendered mind.

Instead of worrying about how we were going to meet each financial need, I would remind myself of Gods’ promises.

ReadHow to make Financial Decisions Together

These are just a few of the promises that I use to remind myself that God is in control.

Deuteronomy 4:31 For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Joshua 1:5 As I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Matthew 6:27-29 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

3. Finally I prayed for Gods wisdom.

I did that so that I didn’t make hasty and foolish decisions. I also prayed for a surrendered heart so that pride didn’t creep in, causing me not to submit to my husbands leadership of our family.

I don’t know about you but I have certainly struggled with wanting to take control of the family. Especially when I believe that my husband has made what I deem to be an unwise decision.

Read: 10 Ways to Find Money to Pay Off Debt

Reacting in such a manner is in complete opposition to Gods word.

No marriage comes without it’s share of challenges. In Queen Elizabeth’s speech she said, “Grief is the price that we pay for love” and if that is so, each of must accept the grievous times as a natural occurrence and depend on God to help us through it.

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Financial management can often be a topic for heated discussion in marriage,  but God does not desire that to be the case.

If you have specific questions for me about how we  used our finances to draw us closer rather than apart let me know in the comments.

What’s the hardest part about discussing or managing your finances?

The Dangers of Exposing Children to Conflict

The Dangers of Exposing Children to ConflictI have chosen to refrain from arguing, disputing or the demonstration of conflict in the presence of my children. The primary reason why I have chosen this stance is as a result of the purposes which I have devoted my life to. My goal is to demonstrate to God, my children, friends, family and neighbors a lifestyle of Biblical womanhood.

As a woman attempting to live my life totally devoted to Christ, I endeavor daily to conform my ways to His ways. This endeavor includes shaping my own character according to the perfect will of God in order that I may demonstrate the very same character that I desire to instill in my children.

My goal regarding this post is to do what Paul says in Titus 2:1 “Speak thou the things which become sound doctrine.” I share my position regarding marital conflict not to condemn but to admonish wives to a holy standard.

Paul the Apostle lists for us the types of character that we should model to become qualified as women able to teach other women. The qualities that he speaks of are the qualities of wives who are modeling the character after that which is desirable to God. These are the qualities that I have accepted responsibility for teaching to the younger women. Paul states, that I must (like my husband) “ be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience, meanwhile exhibiting behavior as demonstrating holiness….and a teacher of good things”.

Good things…like temperance, patience, humbleness and surrender. In all things I want to present myself as a pattern of good works: showing gravity (dignified behavior or lowness in pitch, as of sounds).

I want my children to observe me “demonstrating sound speech, which cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of me.” My husband and I don’t always see eye to eye with one another’s opinions, but the one thing that we always agree on is the word of God. If we cannot disagree while still demonstrating the fruit of the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance, (Galatians 5:21-23), then we are not living up to the standard that God has set for our lives.

What is it that hinders me from arguing with my husband in front of my children? It is the knowing that I have the power through Christ Jesus to live a life that is positioned above the standards of this world. I know that I can live a lifestyle that far exceeds the standards of this world, because I have accepted the belief that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Because Christ is living and operating in me, I have been empowered to aggressively pursue the destruction of any character traits that are of a hindrance to my walk of faith. Col. 3:5

I have decided to take of wrath, malice, strife, contentions, pride, arrogance, and self righteousness and to put on “as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness and longsuffering”. So rather than arguing and debating over temporal things I’d much rather demonstrate to my children the character “forbearance of one another and the forgiving of one another”. And on the days when I fail to exhibit self control or attempt to hold a grudge against my husband God reminds me that, “If any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do you forgive.”

Do you want to be perfect example of the Lord? If so, then the next time that you feel yourself getting frustrated or angry during a disagreement, conflict or argument then set your mind on the following scripture “Put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness and let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also ye are called in one body; and be thankful.”

So instead of focusing on teaching my children how to have civilized disputes I want to teach them to have the right thoughts in their minds and emotions in their hearts which will in turn motivate their character.

Finally, I would like to share the resource that helped me gain the self control and greatly reduce disagreements. Using that devotional and studying the character of  Godly women in the Bible, I was able to bring my self in line with God’s perfect will. Once my husband and I began to make discussing, studying and praying that God’s perfect vision for the family be made possible for us, we began to agree on more issues. Now whenever we don’t agree we look to God’s word and prayer to help us gain the resolution.

For more references see 1 Corinthians 1 and the verses listed below.

Genesis 13:8 So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for we are brothers

Exodus 17:2 So they quarreled with Moses and said, “Give us water to drink.” Moses replied, “Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you put the LORD to the test?”

Exodus 17:7 And he called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the LORD saying, “Is the LORD among us or not?”

Are you are a wife or mom who is struggling in this area? You can learn more conflict resolution strategies in my posts How to Stop Being an Angry Wife and Mom. If you have questions or a comment you may leave for me in the comment section.

Why Submission is God’s design for marriage

marriage” rel=”attachment wp-att-82066″>Why Submission is Actually God's design for you

What words come to mind when you hear the word, submit.

Is it doormat, servant or slave?

How about weak or passive?

Well what comes to mind for me is love and strength but this hasn’t always been the case.

For many years I looked at submission as something that weak women did but through growing in my relationship with Christ I have been given a different perspective, one that has changed my life and my marriage.

From the day that I gave my life to Christ I have desired to do what was pleasing to Him, but when I discovered that pleasing Him included submitting to my husband, I struggled.

I had to examine my self in the light of Gods word. What I learned is I refused to submit not because I feared my husband would abuse his power, nor was it genuinely because I thought that my husband was incapable of leading.

What it boiled down to at the core was that I was full of pride and selfishness.

I wanted to be in control.

I wanted to wear the proverbial pants in the relationship.

I believed the worlds lie that control means exerting my authority, rights and opinions. This was so far from the truth.

God has ordained my husband to be the leader of our family, and with that he has a great responsibility. He is responsible if our family succeeds or fails. I’m speaking regarding eternal success or failure. When I began to see the magnitude of the responsibility my husband held, coveting his role no longer looked so appealing.

In response, I began focusing on my role and what I’ve learned is that I am his helper.

In Genesis 2, when God provides a helper for Adam, He used a glorious Hebrew word for helper: azer. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not a beneficial thing for the man to be alone. I will make for him an azer who is his complement or equal.”

“In Hebrew, azer is used 19 times; mostly it is used to denote humanity’s great helper (The Holy Spirit). The word means a “helper like unto God.”

God paid a compliment to women with this word. The same word is used in Psalms, where it says, “O Israel, trust in the Lord, for He is their Helper and shield” (Psalm 115:9).

The term is always used to describe someone who brings significant help... When the ancient Hebrew speaking Israelite heard the term used to describe Eve, he would have been impressed.

He would have thought of women, therefore, as a God-like gift from God.

 (source CBN.com)

I am his helper and I am suitable for him when, I submit to Him.

Will all of his decisions be the right decisions? No.

My obligation to God is to submit to my husband, trusting that God has my best interest at heart. So as long as my husband is not leading me to sin, I choose to submit.

My marriage has benefited so much from this decision and I’m sure yours can too.

Ladies, where are you in your journey? How can I pray for you or create more content that will help you? Let’s continue the conversation in the comment section. I read every comment and reply to most, so if you have a question or want to talk, leave your thoughts below.

Pure Intimacy & Why It’s Good For Us

Intimacy Is Good For Us

Friend #1: How often do you and your husband have sex?

Friend #2: SEX?….Oh no, we’re married.

Just a few weeks ago a survey was taken which posed this question to a panel of married women, “If given the option to go shopping spree at the mall or have sex which would you choose?” It was reported that 98% of the women chose the shopping spree.

I thought this was funny so I decided to turn the tables. When my husband came in from work I said to him in the most serious tone that I could muster.

“Honey, if you had the choice to go to a Super bowl game or have sex (with me of course) which would you choose?” He said “Are the tickets FREE?” I told him that they were. He grinned, then slightly shrugged his shoulders and said “I’d have to choose the Super bowl. We can have sex anytime. The Super bowl is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

Many husbands and wives are, for whatever reason, denying themselves of a very significant benefit of marriage…SEX. There was a time when I would purposefully withhold myself from my husband.

I am not talking about a hectic week where I am so tired I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I am referring to making a conscience decision not to allow him to touch me.

I would justify my actions by telling myself that I was angry, tired, or frustrated. Some days it would be a headache…others a stomachache or backache.

Regardless of the excuse I didn’t realize that it wasn’t just sex that I was denying myself.

Sex is a natural stress reliever. It provides the same deep, relaxed type of breathing that you achieve during Yoga or Pilates. This breathing relaxes your body, oxygenates your blood and reduces the stress you feel.

Massaging before or during sex can be a great stress reliever as well. We need touch for our emotional health. Studies show that babies who are not touched enough can fail to thrive, and touch continues to be important into adulthood. So if you find that you are unmotivated try incorporating more time for touching before and during sex.

Depending on your level of enthusiasm, you can burn a lot of calories during sex, and receive the weight management benefits of exercise as well. Most of us when we are under stress allow the sex life to fall by the wayside, when in fact it should be one of the first things that we do when plagued with stress.

So instead of denying myself the natural stress reliever that God has given me I am going to begin to incorporate more sex into my marriage this year.

The Good Wife

 

The Good Wife’s Guide is a magazine article rumored to have been published in the May 13, 1955 issue of Housekeeping Monthly, describing how a “good wife” should act.

The article intends to represent antiquated (outdated or old fashioned) attitude towards sexual equality that is no longer accepted.

I came across this article while searching Wikipedia and apparently the author who wrote these rules has a twisted view of the true relationship shared between a husband and wife.

However, I think we can use some of these tips as a measuring stick to becoming a virtuous women such as the one found in Proverbs 31.

Let’s take a look at the original version:

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part

8. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

9. Be happy to see him.

10. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

11. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

12. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

13. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

14. Don’t greet him with complaints or problems.

15.  Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

16. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

17. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

18. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

19. A good wife always knows her place.

Now let’s look at my revised version:

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, and hair. Be fresh looking and fresh smelling.

3. Be happy and pleasant.

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Make sure the home is neat, clean and fresh smelling.

6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for the family to unwind by.

7. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. Helping your husband achieve comfort at home will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

8. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are his little treasures. This reassures him that he has chosen the best mother for his children.

9. Minimize noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

10. Be happy to see him. Treat him as if he were the most important person that could ever grace your presence.

11. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

12. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

13. Make the evening his. Try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Understand the pressure it is to be surrounded by the world for 8-12 hours a day. Give him time to unwind.

14. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

15. Don’t greet him with complaints or problems.

16. Don’t complain. Express your needs with a meekly and humbly.

17. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

18. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.

19. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

20. Speak to him as you want to be spoken to. Tell him respectfully, when you disagree with him. Don’t yell or raise your voice. Trust God and submit to your husband as is right in the Lord. If he is wrong God will deal with him.

21. A Godly wife desires to please her husband.