The more my husband and I study the character of God the less we’ve come to disagree with one another on major issues. With time, patience and a desire to understand one another we’ve learned a few things about one another. We come to understand the deep-seated reasons behind why we feel and think the way that we do.
In the earlier years of our marriage, I believed that if you trusted your husband with the finances you ran a greater risk of ending up in financial ruin. This method of thinking was a result of my upbringing and the cause of many of our arguments. Needless to say, he was raised just the same way and refused to give me control over the finances. This tug of war went on until one day I decided to release my grip on controlling the money and tighten my grip on God.
The verses that I would tell myself every time I gave up being right were, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) and ” I will never leave you or forsake you“. It was a process of getting to a point of becoming confident in what God’s plan for my life as an individual and as a wife that I was able to give control of the final decisions over to my husband. In doing this I learned so many things about myself and my husband.
#1- My husband is capable of leading our family in every aspect
#2- God already has a back up plan for my husbands mistakes
#3– Holding on to perceived control was an outward expression of my fear of the what-if’s
#4- My refusal to submit was keeping him from becoming the man and husband God desired for him to be
#5- My husband values and wants my opinion and desires it more now that it’s not forced upon him
What do I do when my opinion differs from my husbands?
As a wife, I am made to be my husbands help meet. God appointed me to be helper for my husband. Not only that, but, He has also equipped me with some qualities that my husband needs. My husband happens to understand how important my opinion is and demonstrates that by asking me for my input on every decision that is pertinent in our marriage.
He hears me out and takes into careful consideration what I have said. He prays alone…and with me…to seek the guidance of the Lord. This act alone gives me enough confidence to surrender my will if my husband decides to do something different than what I’ve suggested.
Has my husband always been this great of a guy? No. (nor have I always been the wife I am today)
The way that I see it, is that I can build him up or tear him down. When I began to demonstrate my allegiance to his leadership abilities His faith became stronger. I was no longer an obstacle that he had to fight against in his journey towards a resolution to a dilemma.
Imagine trying to figure out the solution to a life changing situation, knowing that the one person who should have your back, secretly or openly thinks that you are doomed to fail?
That’s got to be rough on a man’s psyche. I decided to become his #1 cheerleader in life. To be a true helper, I had to understand his interests, dreams, weaknesses, strengths and struggles. When I began to be more supportive and less rebellious, headstrong, stubborn, strong willed and demanding, I was able to understand the reasoning behind his decisions.
What puzzles me sometimes is this. “How can we be totally comfortable with submitting to a supervisor on a job, more than our own spouses?”. We don’t dare speak to our supervisors in the manner in which we often speak to our spouses. We don’t defy our supervisors refusing to carry out their vision for the employees or the company. We accept company changes without as much as a peep.
How I handle the instances when I disagree with my husband:
If the issue is a matter of our biblical principles or moral foundation, I ask God to reveal scripture concerning the situation. The only reason why I would not submit to my husband is if he were asking me to sin or condone sinful behavior on his part.
I express it calmly. I pray for direction in using the proper tone and edifying words. I am known to raise my voice in order to get my point across. Therefore, praying is a step that I must take to make sure that I am speaking to my husband the way that I want to be spoken to in return.
I ask God to help me use words that my husband understands. My husband and I do not communicate the same way and it helps to speak his language. I speak more in terms of what I feel. For example, it confuses him when I say, “You don’t act like you love me”. He is able to gather a concrete picture of what I am trying to convey much better when I say, “I don’t feel loved when you play video games while I’m struggling with the children”.
I ask God to help me to accept my husbands decision if it differs from mine.
I ask God to help me see where I could be wrong.
I pray for direction for my husband in his decision making.
I accept the fact that neither of us are perfect