A Proverbs Wife

Guest Post~ Overcoming Adultery in Marriage By: Jessica Bates

Adultery is a topic that most people don’t want to talk about, but more people have dealt with it than you think. I am one of those people. My husband was unfaithful three years into our marriage and I was devastated. We almost divorced but eventually reconciled and just went on with our lives without resolving any issues. Then three years later, it happened again.

This time it was two separate incidents and it caused my husband to lose almost everything, career, friends, reputation and even his freedom. I didn’t know how I was supposed to go through all of the pain and heartache again. Then I remembered a church we had visited with a pastor that my husband and I both really liked. We hadn’t regularly attended church for quite some time and weren’t reading our Bibles at all. So I told my husband before we decided anything that we needed to go to the church and speak with the pastor. And we did. We went to counseling for several months and God used this pastor to completely change our marriage.

We didn’t know anything about Ephesians 5:22-33. And the scripture that really struck me was 1 Peter 3:1-2.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

After reading that scripture verse, I realized that I was a huge factor in my husband’s infidelity. I wasn’t being submissive to my husband or even respecting him most of the time. There were also other factors that I never even realized contributed to this sin. Pornography and even regular television and commercials played an enormous role in desensitizing my husband to eventually cross the line of unfaithfulness. Some of which were orchestrated by me. Once I understood the role I played in feeding my husband’s compulsions, I was more able to support him and be the helpmeet that God intended me to be.

Today my husband is well on his way to becoming a pastor and helping other men to understand the importance of keeping those influences out of their lives. Today we are happier than we have ever been in our marriage. We have put God first and actively work on our marriage every single day. I can finally completely trust my husband and completely believe that he loves me with all of his heart.

Jessica Bates is a wife and a stay at home mom to three wonderful children. She shares here journey to becoming the women God wants her to be, on her blog Random Streams of Semi-Consciousness.

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6 thoughts on “Guest Post~ Overcoming Adultery in Marriage By: Jessica Bates

  1. My first husband cheated on me and I tried to stay and work on it for 6 years. But after 2 children, being abused mentally, verbally and physically, several girlfriends, several lies, opening credit cards in my name without my knowledge and maxing them out on what I don’t know, and 6 yrs I had to give up. I could not do it anymore. Prayer, marriage counseling, church…nothing worked. I have a lot of “scars” that will not heal and my new husband does like to open the wounds for some reason. We just talked last night and he for some reason asked me if I would ever cheat on him which I replied NO and he also replied No. I guess my insecurities and fears from my first marriage are coming out, bc I can’t seem to wonder if he was trying to tell me something. Sometimes I think that the scars and fear will never go away even with God’s help. I keep praying. You can only work it out so long, but if someone continues to be unfaithful then I would not be able to stay.


  2. Thanks! This is awesome! Many people just assume that once adultery occurs, it must end in divorce. Through the forgiveness and restoration that Christ gives, we can overcome it despite the difficulty. Thanks for sharing and being so transparent.


  3. I agree television and magazines and ads are going crazy with promoting sex acts. and it’s nothing but a demonic spirit behind it. That is why we must be always praying and not only praying but binding these spirits. I hear of men and women talking about these matters in their marriage and it hurts to hear it but the fact of the matter is that sin is real. That is why I tell people as a couple you have to bring everything to the table talk about it all even the nasty things because if you don’t you leave the door open for the enemy and his imps to play with you.


  4. Adultery is a serious matter not only in the church but everywhere. Adultery kills a relationship with not just the two involved but those who are connected to them as well. The enemy knows how vital the union is so he does whatever he can to destroy it. The question we must ask ourselves is what caused a person to commit adultery, because I don’t believe a person just wake up and say well today I think I am going to cheat on my spouse. There is a rooted issue that has not been dealt with and when it is not dealt with it finds ways to crave the thought of thinking of their pain. God talks all about submission He talks about the roles a husband and wife are to have. Many times we see these signs in our spouses even before we marry them but the thought of being in love with them covers our eyes to the sign so we ignore it. We can’t we have to approach it and get counseling with a pastor.

    I get so upset at how satan uses tricks and schemes to get the people of God to fall to his evil ways. But you know I also know that when such things happen in the marriage there has to be some healing done on all parties, forgiveness is a major key role in it. It will take time lots of time but I know some spouses have stayed in their marriage even after the affair. Now I am not saying what a person should do rather stay or leave I let them read what the bible says about it. But what I will say is this, when we forgive and let God handle it He can restore us back to being whole. AMEN


    The Proverbs Wife Reply:

    While have not experienced adultery in my marriage I would hope that we would be able to reconcile with my husband the way that Jessie did with hers. I know the power of God’s grace, mercy and restoration. I think Jessie’s story can be a great example in encouraging us to overcome trials in marriage.


    Jessie Reply:

    @Desiray, You are right. You have to look at what the root cause of it. Ours was pornography and how graphically sexually mainstream secular television, print ads and the internet ads are. It is ridiculous the amount of sex that we are faced with every single day.


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