I’ve been with my fiancé since I was 16 and for a long time my world revolved around him. Whatever he liked I liked, and what he didn’t like, I didn’t like. One of the things he happened to like was going to church so of course I became interested. I’ve been attending church since I was around 8 years old but I wasn’t engaged in it like he was.
After we were together for a few years he expressed to me that he wanted to marry me one day but my relationship with God was important to him. So thus began my forgery of a true relationship with God. Now I thought it was the real thing simply because I would pray and sometimes give an offering. However, my prayers always consisted of things like “God, PLEASE let us be together forever” and “Show me what I need to so that he’ll love me.” There was never an intimacy strictly between me and God. A better example would be how it says in the Bible that Jesus is the link between God and man; well my fiancé was the link for me. All I was focused on was becoming the woman that he wanted me to be, not the woman that God called me to be.
There was one occasion when I was about 20 and I had a close friend tell me not to let my relationship with my fiancé take precedence over my relationship with God. At the time, I brushed it off because I thought I knew what I was doing. I did begin to pray more but it was still in the same context about my fiancé or whatever problems I was facing.
As my fiancé grew deeper in Christ, he would always share with me what God spoke or revealed to him. After a while, I started to get tired of God speaking through him to me; I wanted to hear from God myself. After I began a serious pursuit of God it dawned on me that I didn’t know who or whose I was! I had become so lost in my fiancé that I hadn’t taken the time out to develop me and what I wanted. I could recite my fiancé’s goals and dreams in my sleep but had no clue of what I wanted to do. I knew his purpose in God’s kingdom but not my own (Matthew 22:29).
It wasn’t until one day I was driving home from a meeting at church and I began to just talk to God that everything changed. All of a sudden everything that I wanted just started to pour out and I got to a point where I stopped and said “God, what do you want me to do? What’s in Your heart for me to do?” Immediately He said to me, “Now you’ve got it; now you’re seeking my heart. Pursue me the way you pursued getting married. Don’t worry about your husband, you have that. I have so much more in store for you”. (Jeremiah 29:13)
The point of this whole thing is for you to realize that you are so much more than a girlfriend or fiancé. God has a divine plan for your life and assignments that only you can complete (Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 138:8). I’m not saying it’s not important to learn how to be a Godly and submissive wife because it’s vital for a successful marriage. However, it’s also vital that you not get so lost in your mate that God can’t reach you. Develop yourself, take time for you, grow into the woman you and God desire you to be. You’re supposed to be your husband’s help meet but you can’t function in that role if you don’t know who you are. Your characteristics are what help to bring out the best in your mate so having confidence in yourself is important. And if your significant other really loves you and wants you to grow, he’ll support you in any way that he can.
Copyright © Shelby Holloway