A Proverbs Wife

4 Choices Women Are Afraid to Make

4 Choices Women Are Afraid to Make

4 Choices Women Are Afraid to Make

What would you do differently if you stopped giving so much power to what people thought of you and your choices?

Take a moment to give it some serious thought.

I think it’s a good thing to give thought to how a bad choice may affect your character and witness to others, but I’m talking about good choices you know you need to make, but maybe are afraid to make.

You know those choices that scare you to even think about how good life could be if you’d just get up the courage to do them.

I’m going to tell you about a few choices I’ve made in my life that you may be contemplating, but are too afraid to act on. These choices are ones that have been the most difficult because they are not the norm in our society and they’ve made me feel like I don’t quite fit in with everyone else.


What I’ve learned from these choices is that I’m not called to fit in, I’m called to leadership. Being a leader often means doing what isn’t popular in order to encourage others to action. It means being to first of my peers to act on good choices despite my reservations or fears.


1. Submitting to My Husband

I’ve told of how I came to the realization of what Biblical submission was many times and shared how I thought it was for weak people.

I know exactly where I acquired that perspective and once I realized it was not accurate, I began educating myself on what true submission meant. Making the decision to submit to God first (because submission in marriage is his idea, not my husbands) and to my husband second was the scariest decision I ever made.

It’s not for the faint of heart because it requires giving up your own will for the will of another. I gave up my will to honor Gods instruction for marriage and I had to trust that my husband would not take advantage of that decision. When I made this choice I did not trust that my husband would do the right thing, but that didn’t matter because I trusted God. I studied scripture and prayed desperately before making this choice and God gave me a calmness about it that reassured me that I would be alright no matter what my husband did in response to my decision.

The miracle in our scenario is that God was also working in my husband helping him to discover how important his role was as leader and my role as helpmeet was to our family. God helped my husband grow in wisdom and he’s always done his best to honor my choice to submit.

2. Stay-At-Home Mom

Shortly before I made the choice to submit I became a stay at home mom. That may seem like nothing to some of you, but to an African-American woman who was raised in an environment that celebrates independence especially in women, this felt wrong. It felt like I was giving up.

Selling out.

Letting womankind down.

In my mind, giving up a career in lieu of being at home full time meant I lacked ambition, but that was so far from the truth.

Being at home with my husband and children gave me opportunities for connections I would have missed out on had I worked full time. It’s the multitude of little experiences that make up my children’s childhood that can never be recaptured once they’re gone. The million laughs, cuddles, bath times, tears, glances and touches have been so worth giving up my a career in this early days. Now that I’m a Professional Blogger and work from home I get to experience different memories with my teens and pre-teens.

I gave up a career in the early days, but the reward of being an at home mom was so worth it and God ended up creating the perfect career for me in the end.

3. Debt-Free Lifestyle

This choice was a no-brainer, but it was a struggle because while we’d bought into the idea of being debt free after listening to Dave Ramsey’s radio show, we we’re drowning in debt.

We had the debt accumulated from when we were a two income household. When we had two incomes the debt didn’t feel like such a burden, however once we reduced our income the debt began to suffocate us.

Debt afforded us a lifestyle we really couldn’t afford and then as soon as our income was adversely affected, we begin to realize the yoke debt had placed upon our lives.

Any household can lose an income at any time. We did by choice, but if you lost one income source unexpectedly would you be prepared?

When we mapped out our plan to get out of debt we began telling our closest friends and family about what helped us, but no one was interested. The were even less interested when they heard it meant giving up vacations and buying expensive gifts for a while.


In fact, our family acted like they felt sorry for us, yet we were excited to know that one day we’d owe no one anything.

Families who follow these steps for debt freedom and have an income of $100+ typically take 24 months to be consumer debt free and have 3-6 months of expenses saved. It took us twice that time because we only had one income. However, we stuck with it despite the sacrifices and strange looks from friends and family.

When we made a choice to stop doing what was considered normal of course we received push back. When we decided not to buy gifts at Christmas some felt like we weren’t celebrating Christmas. When we stopped buying gifts for the kids birthdays, people felt our children would be emotionally scarred.

We made a choice to do things differently with our finances for a short period of time so we can do things differently with our finances for the rest of our lives.

We don’t argue about money anymore, because we have a plan and are on the same page. We don’t have any debt except for our mortgage and are free to tell our money where to go versus working and having lenders and creditors control our money.

I call that winning!!

4. International Evangelism

One of the places we tell our money to go is to the mission field. When I read the Bible it tells me Christ following Christians have a responsibility to take care of widows, orphans and those who are in need.

The Bible has also commissioned me to share the gospel throughout the world. When I first read that years ago I had no idea how I was supposed to do that. The African-American churches I’d attended as a young adult did not talk about international evangelism or the international mission field, but when I later became a member of a predominantly Caucasion church they talked about planting churches on other continents and helping people in other countries.

When I made a choice to support missions, it was while we were in the process of funding our emergency fund. We didn’t have a whole lot of extra money and I wasn’t confident I could remain faithful to financially supporting missions. In my heart I was convicted, but in my pocketbook I was lacking. At this time God had created this career for me as Professional Blogger, but the pay schedule is not like a regular job so it was a bit tricker to budget.

I was still apprehensive about depending on blogging income for anything in our budget, but I made a commitment to God that I would take a portion of my income to support mission work so long as He blessed me to earn money.

That month I invested my first $38 to support a child through Compassion Ministries. We now support two children through the ministry and give a portion of our income to support families in the mission field that are members of our local church.

We hope to someday go into the mission field so our choice to be debt-free lines up with our choice to give to world wide evangelism. Being missionaries is not particularly important to most of our peers, but God has given us confidence to do things that are not considered normal to our friends and family.

In the last decade I’ve lived Romans 12:2 in regard to marriage, finance, parenting and relationship with others and it’s been the happiest decade of my life. I’m not concerned about what’s socially acceptable or what others might think about my choices.

Moving into the next decade I will build upon the lifestyle we’ve established without reservation.

If you have been struggling with any of these choices I’m here to support you. We are sisters in Christ and can provided encouragement for one another by sharing our stories and testimonies. Leave a comment below.

If you are struggling with a major life choice today I want to pray for you. Either leave your prayer request in the comments or just your name.

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10 thoughts on “4 Choices Women Are Afraid to Make

  1. Rowena

    I see this blog was from 2015 and it’s now 2019. I do believe prayer is infinite and that this is a divine appointment.
    Please pray for my family. We have been struggling financially. Also for God to guide my husband in the way he should lead our family. I’m really praying for open doors for our family.

    Thank you,God bless.


  2. I have been a follower of Jesus all of my life and have him be the ruler of my life. He has blessed me in many ways and continues to do so. I just left a demanding position to now move up to a less demanding position near our retirement home up in northern Wisconsin. This was a decision I left entirely to God and my husband. I allowed my husband to truly lead my career decision and as a result God worked in my hubby to make the right choices Now as a result I will have more free time, even with moving hours away from kids & grandkids I believe I will now be able to see them more. I’ll be able to exercise & eat right & have more time with my savior. Another words take care of me first instead of my employer controlling. I will be separated from my hubby except for weekends for the next 9 months until he retires. Pray for our strength and endurance for our long term plan. This was a decision based on our faith in God.


    A Proverbs Wife Reply:

    @Cindy, it is such a blessing when we can follow Gods plan and find balance in our lives. I’m looking forward to hearing more about how God is working in your family and charting a new path for you.


  3. Thank you for responding back so soon. Yes, I do read daily. I talk to God throughout each day. I’ve been learning so much and find a lot in the bible that I can apply to my life but I find myself not really knowing how. As a submissive wife, I know I am under theleadership of my husband but what if he’s not really leading in the spiritual aspects of our marriage and parenthood? I feel that teaching my kids about God is important but I feel I am bearing this burden alone. I am literally clueless and feel like I’ll never really teach them enough before they are grown. Mainly because I am dealing with anger issues (yes I’ll admit, I’m an angry parent sometimes) and so I feel so unqualified to teach them when I am not even a good example to them. There’s so much to write to explain my life and circumstance but it would take too long. But those are just skimming the top of the huge mountain of issues we face. Thank you so much for this post and so many others (I follow on facebook). They help encourage me a lot. And I’ll put those videos on my “to watch” list.♡


  4. I have been saved since 2008. But I didn’t truly meet and establish a real relationship with God until this past March. So far, submitting to my husband is a no brainer and I am happy to do it. My issue is basically figuring out what else Gid wants me to do. I am also a stay at home mom and have been since day one. So money has always been limited and tight. We don’t have extra money to give. We have five children so all our money is spent on them… (food, electric, clothing, etc.) So I need help in that area. I am content knowing God holds my future but sometimes I am unsure of what to do. I am still brand new in this newfound relationship so while it is very exciting it also scares me a lot. Just say a quick prayer that God leads me and my family the way He always intended and that we recognize it. Thank you. God bless you!


    A Proverbs Wife Reply:

    Hi @Sarah, congratulations on your decision to allow God into your life. Now that you’ve given Him permission to be the head of your life you’ll need to know what His instructions are for living. The place to find them will be in your Bible which is why daily Bible reading and regular study will be important. I believe it’s the most important thing we do as believers aside from physically talking to God. I found it beneficial to not only read the Bible, but to search it for answers to my questions. Whatever life situation I had a question about, I look for the situation in the Bible. Do you read your Bible everyday?

    It sounds like you have the typically struggles of a middle class family with one income. I highly recommend listening to Dave Ramsey via Podcast, YouTube or on Dave Ramsey.com. What he teaches about getting out of debt, living below your means and building wealth is in line with scriptures.

    I am praying with you Sarah.


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