I remember thinking it was weird the things God would ask me to do in my marriage. By ask, I’m referring to how he would lead me to Bible versus about forgiveness when my husband made me mad.
It’s no coincidence that I’d end up reading about grace instead of revenge when I’d felt my husband had done me wrong.
God seemed to always lead me to scripture that instructed me to do the very opposite of what I wanted.
The same can be said about strengthening a struggling marriage. In my experience, I’ve found that repaying evil with good can oftentimes work as a catalyst to rebuild a broken marriage.
Repaying evil words with kind words takes strength and a vulnerability that can only be achieved as a result of a close relationship with Father God.
How else, and why would someone treat someone good, when they’ve been wronged, except they understand Gods love, grace and mercy?
I’m in the business of building strong marriages for the work of the Kingdom, so what I write is always going to point in that direction. Each of us are at different stages in our marriages, but no matter where you are, what I tell you today can only sow seeds of healing. Healing for you, for your husband and your marriage.
Whether your marriage is hurting or thriving, I believe words have power and when I began using them to build my marriage up instead of tear it down, I began to see God work in my husband and I like never before.
When I’d made up my mind to nurture my husband instead of battle him, here are some of the things I made sure he knew. Some of them had not come to maturity in him at the time, but I was confident, God wanted them to and my husband did as well.
I began speaking these words over him, praying them over him and treating him as if they were already who he was.
10 Things Your Husband Needs to Hear From You
1. I respect you.
2. I need you.
3. I believe in you.
4. I’ll never leave you.
5. I trust you and I trust your leadership
6. I apologize.
7. You’re on of the best things that ever happened to me.
8. I am still attracted you.
9. You’re an awesome man of God.
10. I’m your biggest supporter and ally.
Beginning to speak life over my husband was one of the biggest steps I took in healing my marriage. It was tough because we were in a rough place, but the vulnerability it took to take that step, repaid me a thousand times over.
If you are in a place where your marriage is struggling, are you asking God what you need to do? Are you doing it? If you’re having a hard time in this area, come talk to me one on one.
Let’s talk about it. Leave your answers, questions and below.
My husband and I have been in a terrible place for 4 years now. I want to work on things, but he is unwilling and has found comfort in “other” things. He says we are divorced and acts like I don’t exist, but will not file papers. I have cause my fair share of problems, but still want my marriage. I am weary and frustrated. I don’t know what to do or what God wants me to do.
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Please pray for my husband, my marriage and our family (TWO BOYS: 3yrs & 8 months). He has had an affair with a co-worker. So far he is refusing to offer any support to rebuild other than showing up to counseling (but will not follow counselors advice…).
He moved out and wanted to temporarily separate to “rebuild.” But again refuses to offer any willingness or efforts to rebuild trust /work on our marriage. I found out that he recently took the “other woman” on a date I had suggested we go on (which we never did, and he got angry at my suggestion-although it was counselors recommendation.
Please pray that he will be DIVINELY drawn and driven by his heart back to God, our marriage, me and our family. PRAY that he will DESIRE to rebuild and be open/honest.
Pray that I will have peace and wisdom during this time (especially as I am trying to parent alone during this “emotional crisis.”
I continue to try and encourage him, forgive him, and love him though this.
Pray for a miracle in his heart. wisdom, peace and joy for me and our family.
Thank you!
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Married 22 years and 5 kids 4 are still at home. Found out my husband was having a sexual affair with a woman he met while working out of town. It went on for 6 months before I knew. I was really angry but I felt peace that the Lord had this and I was able to forgive him and we reconciled that was in November. It was amazing how it changed the way I viewed my husband I put him before everyone but God. My husband is who I thought about, loved and the more I did that the more I loved him but something wasn’t right and my spirit was grieving I couldn’t put a finger on it. Why would my husband not respond to my I love you’d with emotion or I’m attracted to you etc. I found out this Saturday that he had started messaging and calling her again the end of February. He said he loves me but only because I’m the mother of his children, that he’s not attracted to me. I was so hurt why would the Lord allow this to happen again? What do I need to learn that I hadn’t the first and second time? I love my husband and I feel pity for him and I know he’s hurting.
I asked him to leave so that he could figure out what he is wanting, the messages that come from him seem self centered. How do I tell him I love him and want our family back together but until I see a willingness to really change We will have to stay apart?
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Angel Murphy Reply:
June 13th, 2017 at
@Windy, this breaks my heart. I wouldn’t suggest y’all stay apart. Keep praying persistently over your husband and do not give up on him. Treat him with the love of Jesus Christ! I listened to a couple at church last night explain their past and the husband worked when the wife worked so they never got to see each other like they wanted to and the wife started spilling her problems to a man she worked with and ended up having an affair after she found out about her husbands porn problem that he went to her about to help him with that issue. He was a man of God and she wasn’t a woman of God back then. And they divorced after 4 years of marriage. Then she married that guy she had an affair with and didn’t even last a year and she had a child from that marriage. Then 2 years after that her and her first husband kept talking even throughout her second marriage. And she sought the Lord in the hurt and pain she was experiencing after divorcing the second guy. Somehow they reconciled and remarried and now have 5 children and Christ in the center of their marriage. So there is still hope!! Keep praying keep loving your husband and don’t give up on him even if he leaves. And keep forgiving him. For God is a forgiving God and a merciful God. We deserve hell and damnation but He chose to send His son Jesus to save us from His wrath! If you ever need to talk you can contact me on Facebook my name is angel murphy. My URL for Facebook is ilovemykaneinandcadie@facebook.com
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Tracy Reply:
June 15th, 2017 at
@Windy, I’m sorry he’s being unfaithful… again. I’m reminded that when two people have Christ as the center of their relationship and home … submitted to Him and knowledgeable of His ways as stated in scripture for the roles in marriage and putting each other first, the marriage can thrive!
It does appear your husband has chosen a selfish course of action. I will pray for your marriage today. ((Hugs))
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Lll
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When you build them up they will most often rise to your expectations. Say what God says about your marriage and your spouse.
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Good morning, my husband and I of three years are in a bad place because I have a hard time allowing I’m to be in control. He’s a hard working man but he confine in telling a bunch of his female friends our business seeking advice from them. They told him that I’m controlling because I have a problem with him being married and clubbing. I work close to 50 hours a week and I be exhausted and need my rest so they give him advice on finding fun outside of the house. I try to encourage him to go to church but he says that God’s not ready for him yet. I’m exhausted and alot of words that are not nice come from my tongue because I have never bit my tongue so he says that I’m to mean because I express my feelings. I pray for better days but really what’s next?
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A Proverbs Wife Reply:
July 25th, 2016 at
@Shante, I will make a YouTube video replying to your comment. I’m Saidah Washington on Youtube. If you subscribe to my channel you will get notifications when I upload videos. The video will be titled, ” 8 Things You Can Do to Help Your Marriage”. Be blessed.
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I wish I could say all these things. So many of them I know he longs top hear. Most would be untrue. Still trying to pick up pieces and figure out what is supposed to be going on after hours infidelity a year ago. I’d appreciate all the prayer anyone would be willing to go to battle, spiritually, for our family.
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Miller Reply:
April 22nd, 2016 at
@Amanda O, keep on trying. It’s a tough road but it’s worth fighting for!
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It is hard to follow these steps when you get yelled at constantly about everything. And I’m physically sick and that combined with all the rest causes emotional pain. And he seems to hate my grown children. Nothing they do is ever pleasing to him. He is actually not pleased with anything that any of us ever do! He lives in his own little world and pretends to be a christian. I can’t bring myself to say #9 to him because I don’t view him as a man of God. Someone who is led by God would not constantly criticize and find fault with those around him. I’m far from being perfect myself but I’m going through too many things right now with my health that are out of my control. I can’t handle all the extra being dumped onto me every day. My spirit gets weaker as my health gets worse and more I have to deal with. I don’t know where to go from here.
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A Proverbs Wife Reply:
February 4th, 2016 at
@Teresa, Your husbands yelling is not your issue. If he’s loosing his temper or yelling it’s a self control issue. Do you guys read he Bible every day? If not, start there. Also begin looking at your situation through Gods word. Begin searching the scripture regarding the trials you are facing and start circling those things where God is saying you need to grow. And begin circling the verses about God’s promises concerning your situation. You and your husband need to get mad at the enemy, not each other.
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My husband of 43 yrs has fallen away from the church years ago, has a hardened heart and mocks me when I mention God or my bible study, volunteer work, etc.. He belittles me because I am no longer employed and tells me I have to earn my keep and he has provided me with all I have; making no mention of Gods grace, blessings, and provision..nor my contribution of working for 38 years while raising children and grandchildren while caring for parents and I’ll relatives. He has now put our home solely in his name and restricted or limited access to any financial means to me. There has been no affection, conversations, fellowship, or intimacy for several years. He agreed to go to two Christian counselors but did not follow through with thier instruction after a short period of time, lacking the desire in his heart. He told me he can handle his own issues when I’ve mentioned any further counseling or medical help. I have always been the Spiritual leader of our family, raising up 11 children/grandchildren to know and walk with the lord. I pray for my husband throughout each day and am becoming weary, please raise him and our marriage up in prayer.
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A Proverbs Wife Reply:
February 4th, 2016 at
@Susan, I understand you stepping in as the spiritual leader of your family, but in all honesty it’s not your place to do that. I often find that brings on resentment between husbands and wives. When my husband wasn’t doing what I felt he needed to do as head of our household from a spiritual sense, I made the same mistake at the advise of a female pastor. After spending time with God, I was instructed to encourage my husband where he was strong and pray with and for him so that God would bring him to that place of leadership. My advice is to pray, build up and encourage your husband. Focus on what he’s doing good like keeping a roof over your heads. It sounds like he’s acting out of anger, which could be provoked and justified in his eyes. I don’t live with you guys so I don’t know. Begin praying for him to be the man God wants him to be. No need to point out what he’s doing wrong. God is perfectly capable of doing that. If your husband is sinning in a way that hurts the family, then correct him in love if you can. If you can’t, take it to God. Many blessing to you.
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Thanks.
The power of a wife words over her husbands is very powerful.my husband is a Pastor I know how powerful is my word I’ve him.
It is not easy when I am sad with him but with Gods Grace and love I can do.
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A Proverbs Wife Reply:
February 4th, 2016 at
@Flavia, yes girl!! There is so much power in our words. We have to be intentional to use them to build up and not tear down.
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It’s my fault that the marriage is where it is. The Holy Spirit is revealing things to me that are hard on my flesh. I can do this.
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My husband & I desperately need prayers…He is battling addiction & I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do or how I can help him
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A Proverbs Wife Reply:
December 29th, 2015 at
Hi @Christy, I would definitely begin praying for him everyday. He’s fighting a battle only God can help him overcome. I would also encourage him to seek treatment and begin going to church if he’s not. Is there anyway you guys can connect with a ministry in your church that addresses substance abuse? How do he feel about quitting? Does he want to? In regard to serving your husband, do what is Biblical and do not sin. Serve him as you would a believing husband, but you are not required to anything that would be considered sinful. Treat him with love, grace, long-suffering, while offering Godly correction without demeaning him.
have you watched the movie War Room? If not, I highly suggest it as a resource for healing marriages. I also suggest reading these two articles from on my blog. They are written by two different women who had unbelieving husbands. http://k3e.618.mywebsitetransfer.com/2012/11/how-to-thrive-in-an-unequally-yoked-marriage.html and http://k3e.618.mywebsitetransfer.com/2012/11/encouragement-for-wives-with-unbelieving-husbands.html
Many prayers and blessing to you.
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